1
00:00:17,226 --> 00:00:19,478
THE RHINE, GERMANY 1945
2
00:00:19,937 --> 00:00:23,106
Third Troop, Fourth Musketeers.
Come on, come on.
3
00:00:23,232 --> 00:00:25,275
Move yourselves.
4
00:00:27,986 --> 00:00:32,115
Third Troop, Fourth Musketeers.
Come on, come on.
5
00:00:40,624 --> 00:00:44,044
Come on.
Third Troop, Fourth Musketeers.
6
00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:49,007
(shot)
7
00:00:49,925 --> 00:00:51,802
Inflating parties forward.
8
00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:55,264
(releases air valve)
9
00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:03,730
Embark!
10
00:01:03,856 --> 00:01:05,816
Follow me.
11
00:01:10,112 --> 00:01:11,864
Paddles out.
12
00:01:11,989 --> 00:01:13,866
Prepare to paddle.
13
00:01:13,991 --> 00:01:16,034
Paddle.
14
00:01:22,708 --> 00:01:24,585
(gun cocks)
15
00:01:26,628 --> 00:01:29,381
Yes, during the war,
I was a Musketeer myself.
16
00:01:29,506 --> 00:01:32,634
We had one young John Thomas
ostensibly commanding.
17
00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:35,053
More myself was the backbone, of course.
18
00:01:35,179 --> 00:01:37,890
Of a dark night,
many of our officers... (clicks)
19
00:01:38,015 --> 00:01:40,100
...by some of their own men. You had to.
20
00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:42,561
- (cash till rings)
- Yes, I will, squire.
21
00:01:42,686 --> 00:01:44,855
Yeah, that's right, you was there.
22
00:01:44,980 --> 00:01:47,024
After breakfasting in Paddington,
23
00:01:47,149 --> 00:01:50,444
we was transferred to the Second Army
for Rhine and Other Rivers.
24
00:01:50,569 --> 00:01:55,741
Ours was an infantry role though many
of us could swim only loosely, if at all.
25
00:01:55,866 --> 00:02:00,579
- It was a complete cock-up.
- 144177 Musketeer Brazier S.
26
00:02:00,704 --> 00:02:03,248
No, no, how I won the war.
27
00:02:04,333 --> 00:02:08,128
The memoirs
of Lieutenant Ernest Goodbody.
28
00:02:09,171 --> 00:02:12,257
("Auf Wiedersehen, Sweetheart")
29
00:02:16,595 --> 00:02:20,265
Auf Wiedersehen
30
00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:25,062
Auf Wiedersehen
31
00:02:25,187 --> 00:02:32,861
We'll meet again, sweetheart
32
00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:38,200
This lovely day
33
00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:42,663
Has flown away
34
00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:47,084
The time has come
35
00:02:47,251 --> 00:02:50,629
To part
36
00:02:50,754 --> 00:02:51,755
(screams)
37
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:55,843
We'll kiss again
38
00:02:55,968 --> 00:03:00,556
Like this again
39
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:09,398
Don't let the teardrops start
40
00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:14,027
With love that's true
41
00:03:14,152 --> 00:03:18,365
I'll wait for you
42
00:03:18,490 --> 00:03:26,999
Auf Wiedersehen, sweetheart
43
00:03:37,301 --> 00:03:40,179
I'll tell you nothing
but my name, rank and number.
44
00:03:40,304 --> 00:03:42,848
My number is 131313.
45
00:03:42,973 --> 00:03:46,602
Lieutenant of Musket Ernest Goodbody.
46
00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:50,480
It all started in 1939.
I suppose it did for you too.
47
00:03:50,606 --> 00:03:53,108
But then first things first.
48
00:03:54,359 --> 00:03:58,238
War is without doubt
the noblest of games.
49
00:03:58,363 --> 00:04:01,241
Finer, I think, Corporal of Musket.
50
00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:05,662
Corporal of Musket Transom,
my troop sergeant and a good all-rounder.
51
00:04:05,787 --> 00:04:11,001
Stay there. You, Juniper,
you're perfect where you are. Very square.
52
00:04:11,543 --> 00:04:17,883
Musketeer Juniper, a joy to have
on any team, one of the original BEFs.
53
00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:21,595
What they really thought of me,
I shall never know.
54
00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:26,475
- I thought he was bleeding rubbish.
- I thought he was a bleeding tart.
55
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:30,437
Can I have you right out there
in the country, Gripweed?
56
00:04:30,562 --> 00:04:35,025
Musketeer Gripweed, without whom these
memoirs would never have been written.
57
00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:37,945
My faithful batman.
58
00:04:38,070 --> 00:04:40,697
May I rub your ball, sir?
It gives me pleasure.
59
00:04:40,822 --> 00:04:44,868
- Musketeer Drogue, I die in North Africa.
- Please.
60
00:04:47,371 --> 00:04:53,085
We're gonna hang out the washing
on the Siegfried Line
61
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:05,806
I rallied to the flag in October 1939
62
00:05:05,931 --> 00:05:11,019
and was immediately selected
as officer potential.
63
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:17,025
Every word of this film is written
in pencil in my own handwriting.
64
00:05:18,402 --> 00:05:23,490
I owe my introduction to the art of war
to my instructors at No.212 OCTU.
65
00:05:23,615 --> 00:05:27,870
In particular,
1431 Lieutenant Colonel Grapple,
66
00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:32,666
later to be known as Grapple
of the Bedoo, who impressed me no end.
67
00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:36,503
I took care to talk as far back
in the mouth as possible,
68
00:05:36,628 --> 00:05:39,840
being a grammar school lad...
which made no difference.
69
00:05:39,965 --> 00:05:43,135
I've always been treated
by the army as top drawer.
70
00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:46,388
- (affected laughter)
- What did you say?
71
00:05:47,723 --> 00:05:50,767
(laughs) Sir...
72
00:05:52,644 --> 00:05:55,772
Never underrate the wily Pathan.
73
00:05:55,898 --> 00:06:00,277
We are going onto the wily Pathan
and the use of anti-gas carpet.
74
00:06:00,402 --> 00:06:02,863
- Ya... Ya...
- The Pathan lives in India.
75
00:06:02,988 --> 00:06:06,992
India is a hot, strange country,
full of wily Pathans up to wily things.
76
00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:10,204
Which is why I always wear spurs,
even in cold weather.
77
00:06:10,329 --> 00:06:15,375
My advice is to keep your rifle strapped
to a suitable portion of your body.
78
00:06:15,501 --> 00:06:19,546
A leg is good. Otherwise,
the wily Pathan will strip himself naked,
79
00:06:19,671 --> 00:06:22,174
grease himself all over,
slippery as an eel,
80
00:06:22,299 --> 00:06:25,385
make off with your rifle,
which is a crime. Any questions?
81
00:06:25,511 --> 00:06:30,599
- Or can we take gas?
- Has the Pathan gone over to Hitler, sir?
82
00:06:31,767 --> 00:06:34,102
- Grammar school boy?
- Sir.
83
00:06:35,187 --> 00:06:38,524
No, he has not.
Too wily for that, the wily Pathan.
84
00:06:38,649 --> 00:06:41,944
Then shall we be fighting him
in this war, sir?
85
00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:45,531
Of course, the British army
has always fought the wily Pathan.
86
00:06:45,656 --> 00:06:49,076
Stripped naked under the tent brailings
like a snake, he is.
87
00:06:49,201 --> 00:06:51,245
- Why?
- Why what?
88
00:06:51,370 --> 00:06:54,498
We want to get on to gas.
It may save your life one day.
89
00:06:54,623 --> 00:06:57,793
Why has the British army
always fought the wily Pathan?
90
00:06:57,918 --> 00:07:01,463
He's just like you, a damn troublemaker.
What's your name?
91
00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:05,050
How did you get into OCTU
not knowing your history?
92
00:07:05,175 --> 00:07:10,055
God help your men.
They'll be torn apart by the wily Pathan.
93
00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:15,227
See your dugouts.
Stand by your dugouts. Stand to. Dig in.
94
00:07:15,352 --> 00:07:21,066
To beat the Hun, dig in then break
through with sword and lance. I think.
95
00:07:21,191 --> 00:07:24,653
Do your best, eh? That's good...
96
00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:28,240
- Body, sir. This is.
- That's very good, Body.
97
00:07:30,033 --> 00:07:33,704
- It is rather wet inside, sir.
- I know it is.
98
00:07:33,829 --> 00:07:38,167
That smell. That smell.
99
00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:41,420
Light the little candle, eh?
100
00:07:41,545 --> 00:07:46,717
This is where the war will be fought.
War of movement, my bum.
101
00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:50,179
Sit down, Body.
102
00:07:51,180 --> 00:07:52,806
Thank you, sir.
103
00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:59,563
You're going to be an officer, young Body.
104
00:07:59,688 --> 00:08:02,733
- I wonder if you know what that means.
- I think so, sir.
105
00:08:02,858 --> 00:08:07,905
- What does it mean, Body?
- It means my mother will be pleased, sir.
106
00:08:08,030 --> 00:08:13,785
I worry about your men, Body.
That's what being an officer means.
107
00:08:13,911 --> 00:08:18,123
You know... I think you know
how England is fixed at the moment.
108
00:08:18,248 --> 00:08:22,169
It's not a question of money, sir.
I'll serve for nothing.
109
00:08:22,294 --> 00:08:24,129
Tell me about yourself...
110
00:08:24,254 --> 00:08:29,801
What I hope I'm saying about England
is that we have no submachine guns,
111
00:08:29,927 --> 00:08:34,765
no rimless cartridges, percussion
grenades, field artillery, no tanks much,
112
00:08:34,890 --> 00:08:38,602
no anti-tanks ever,
no dive bombers, no bombs,
113
00:08:38,727 --> 00:08:41,980
and we invented shrapnel.
Knew him well... His son.
114
00:08:42,105 --> 00:08:48,904
I can't, I fear, I can't march properly
on my own as an officer in the public eye.
115
00:08:49,571 --> 00:08:52,241
Isn't that sickening
when that happens to a chap?
116
00:08:52,366 --> 00:08:54,952
Couldn't your drill instructor
do something?
117
00:08:55,077 --> 00:08:58,372
A quick jab up the crutch.
With a broom?
118
00:09:05,462 --> 00:09:11,760
"They're Coming."
"They're Coming" by EC Grapple MC VD.
119
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,387
And scar.
120
00:09:13,512 --> 00:09:15,764
"They're Coming."
121
00:09:16,932 --> 00:09:19,726
They're coming from the shires
Coming from the byres
122
00:09:19,852 --> 00:09:22,020
They're coming from the cities and towns
123
00:09:22,145 --> 00:09:27,234
They're coming from the factories
They're coming from the farms...
124
00:09:27,359 --> 00:09:29,862
- You married?
- No, I play the harmonica.
125
00:09:29,987 --> 00:09:34,741
I'm coming after you civil reservists
to see if you can remember about rifles
126
00:09:34,867 --> 00:09:37,536
and thumbs down the seams
of your slacks,
127
00:09:37,661 --> 00:09:40,789
into your pink civvy thoughts
with my big black boots,
128
00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:44,751
bearing a big, black, knobbly stick.
129
00:09:44,877 --> 00:09:47,546
So take a hold of yourselves. Stand still.
130
00:09:47,671 --> 00:09:49,047
- Face your front.
- I am.
131
00:09:49,173 --> 00:09:51,633
Squad, 'shun!
132
00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:54,344
- Down them rifles.
- Rifles!
133
00:09:54,469 --> 00:09:57,306
- Splinter.
- Slope arms.
134
00:09:57,431 --> 00:09:59,683
Two, three, across...
135
00:09:59,808 --> 00:10:01,643
- Hands...
- Down!
136
00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:03,604
(Transom) Throw them rifles.
137
00:10:03,729 --> 00:10:05,772
- Will advance.
- Front, Clapper.
138
00:10:05,898 --> 00:10:09,693
- Splinter.
- By the right, quick march.
139
00:10:09,818 --> 00:10:13,405
Left, right, left, right, left...
140
00:10:13,530 --> 00:10:15,449
(Grapple) Coming dressed in overalls...
141
00:10:15,574 --> 00:10:19,036
- Retire. About.
- Coming with umbrellas...
142
00:10:19,161 --> 00:10:22,706
- Coming bringing gifts...
- Turn!
143
00:10:23,624 --> 00:10:27,419
Stand still. Those two men, about.
144
00:10:29,755 --> 00:10:32,341
Don't speak to me like that.
I'm a married man.
145
00:10:32,466 --> 00:10:35,677
About turn.
146
00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:38,722
By the right, quick march.
147
00:10:45,938 --> 00:10:47,314
What's this? Halt.
148
00:10:47,439 --> 00:10:51,443
Stand still. Never, ever
have I seen such a sight.
149
00:10:51,568 --> 00:10:54,029
- Am I hurting you?
- No.
150
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:56,823
I should be. I'm standing on your hair.
151
00:10:56,949 --> 00:10:59,201
- Who said that?
- Is this North Africa?
152
00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:01,495
- Catterick.
- Marching like idiots.
153
00:11:01,620 --> 00:11:03,413
- Never...
- In all my life!
154
00:11:03,539 --> 00:11:07,793
It really is only a question of getting
the right leg to respond to my brain.
155
00:11:07,918 --> 00:11:10,879
Move to the right in threes.
156
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:13,674
- Wait for it.
- Where are you going? Still.
157
00:11:13,799 --> 00:11:16,718
- It's no good to me.
- My finger. There's a splinter.
158
00:11:16,844 --> 00:11:21,473
- Right in threes. Right turn.
- Would you go sick?
159
00:11:21,598 --> 00:11:24,935
- I want to fight.
- That's the spirit.
160
00:11:25,060 --> 00:11:28,480
- Who's the one in the flat hat?
- Baden-Powell.
161
00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:33,402
Fall in, you.
On the command, move. Move.
162
00:11:33,527 --> 00:11:36,655
Don't look at him, look at me.
163
00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:38,949
If you look at him,
I'll give you to him.
164
00:11:39,074 --> 00:11:44,663
You can be put into his hands.
You can spend your life with such as him.
165
00:11:44,788 --> 00:11:47,207
- Oh...
- Brain, brawn and guile...
166
00:11:47,332 --> 00:11:51,170
They're coming dressed in overalls
Coming dressed in tweed...
167
00:11:51,295 --> 00:11:54,089
To the front, salute.
168
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:56,133
- As you were.
- Hit them rifles.
169
00:11:56,258 --> 00:12:01,180
You won't break them.
To the front, salute!
170
00:12:01,305 --> 00:12:07,019
Of skin and guts and fortitude
Of brain and brawn and guile
171
00:12:07,144 --> 00:12:11,690
And what is more,
they're yours, young man
172
00:12:11,815 --> 00:12:13,859
See you do well by them.
173
00:12:13,984 --> 00:12:16,028
(piano flourish)
174
00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:21,158
(sparse applause)
175
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:29,541
(Goodbody) I'll never forget the moment
I was appointed to my first command.
176
00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:31,585
No...
177
00:12:31,710 --> 00:12:33,670
- Oh...
- Him!
178
00:12:33,795 --> 00:12:37,174
Squad, 'shun.
179
00:12:45,182 --> 00:12:48,810
- We're all going to die.
- I'm gonna die in North Africa.
180
00:12:48,936 --> 00:12:51,813
Come, now, be fair.
Not all of us, Corporal of Musket.
181
00:12:51,939 --> 00:12:54,483
- There will be survivors.
- (machine gun)
182
00:12:54,608 --> 00:12:57,027
Many of us, even, will survive training.
183
00:12:57,152 --> 00:13:00,322
It's personal. Can I speak to you
on a personal matter?
184
00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:03,283
Personal? Keep your rear down.
185
00:13:03,408 --> 00:13:07,329
It's her, sir. She's getting stuffed the
jacksy off her by the man from the Pru.
186
00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:09,581
Jacksy?
187
00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:11,625
That is posterior, that is.
188
00:13:13,627 --> 00:13:17,589
Some spy says he gets his hoggins
every Monday, regular as dick,
189
00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:20,843
along with the 18d funeral policy.
190
00:13:20,968 --> 00:13:24,221
- Hoggins?
- Is it right, sir?
191
00:13:24,346 --> 00:13:28,267
- Is he intimate?
- He's no friend of mine, sir.
192
00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:31,937
I ask you, in all conscience,
193
00:13:32,062 --> 00:13:36,775
is it right that a serviceman is forced
to carnal knowledge for the insurance?
194
00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:38,944
No, no, decidedly not.
195
00:13:40,404 --> 00:13:42,573
I'll do anything you advise, sir.
196
00:13:42,698 --> 00:13:47,536
Well, Clapper, is your good lady wife
a willing partner to this hoggins?
197
00:13:47,661 --> 00:13:50,622
No, sir. It's this damn war.
It's got her excited.
198
00:13:50,747 --> 00:13:53,750
And him, he's suave.
199
00:13:53,876 --> 00:13:56,753
- Go on.
- Not in my silk stockings!
200
00:13:58,297 --> 00:14:02,384
Here, you've brought
your child's gas mask.
201
00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:06,847
Oh, no, not in front
of your child's gas mask.
202
00:14:06,972 --> 00:14:11,268
Well, Clapper, lapse the policy.
It's yours, isn't it?
203
00:14:11,393 --> 00:14:15,189
Good. Then lapse it. You don't need
a funeral policy in the army.
204
00:14:15,314 --> 00:14:17,357
You get the last post.
205
00:14:21,987 --> 00:14:24,031
My word.
206
00:14:24,156 --> 00:14:27,534
Then the insurance will not call
on a Monday for his hoggins.
207
00:14:27,659 --> 00:14:31,830
My life. What you've saved
is my life and my honey pot.
208
00:14:34,082 --> 00:14:37,711
Do you mind if I gives
a jump of admiration here, sir?
209
00:14:40,422 --> 00:14:46,678
Dirty bleeder. He'll have to entertain
somewhere else to obtain satisfaction.
210
00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:49,765
Hold on, I'll rescue you, Clapper.
211
00:14:50,682 --> 00:14:54,436
We didn't all die.
I often didn't feel well.
212
00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:57,814
But I put a brave face on it
and we were soon sent to Egypt,
213
00:14:57,940 --> 00:15:03,278
it seemed at the time,
where I volunteered myself. Didn't we all?
214
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:06,114
What the bloody hell are you doing here?
215
00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:09,618
I'm here, sir, at your convenience.
216
00:15:12,538 --> 00:15:14,373
Ernest.
217
00:15:14,498 --> 00:15:17,000
I know the names of all my men, sir.
218
00:15:17,125 --> 00:15:21,421
Come over here.
Your eyes are bright.
219
00:15:21,547 --> 00:15:25,509
- My knees are brown, sir.
- Nice, I've got brown knees.
220
00:15:25,634 --> 00:15:30,556
You'd like to get away from here,
Ernest, wouldn't you? See some action.
221
00:15:30,681 --> 00:15:34,059
- My sole ambition, sir.
- I know.
222
00:15:34,184 --> 00:15:39,690
Ernest, I want you to take your troop of
musketeers and go and do this job for me.
223
00:15:39,815 --> 00:15:44,111
If you do it well, you need never
hang around on street corners again.
224
00:15:44,236 --> 00:15:48,448
You can go away and do stirring things.
Would you like that?
225
00:15:48,574 --> 00:15:50,951
Oh, sir.
226
00:15:51,076 --> 00:15:54,663
Sir, I'd give my right arm and leg.
227
00:15:54,788 --> 00:16:00,502
It's not you, sir.
I'm not bored with you. I love you.
228
00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:04,423
In a strict metaphorical way
of speaking, as it were.
229
00:16:04,548 --> 00:16:11,263
I'd give them my arm and leg.
Damn sporting of you, sir.
230
00:16:11,388 --> 00:16:13,515
The lads will be chuffed.
231
00:16:13,932 --> 00:16:15,976
- (gulps)
- I gulped.
232
00:16:16,101 --> 00:16:19,313
I used to gulp like a fish
every time a general touched me.
233
00:16:19,438 --> 00:16:23,233
One time, when I was a subaltern...
Nice eyes.
234
00:16:23,358 --> 00:16:27,863
We are exchanging bubblegum cards.
We are staff officers.
235
00:16:29,072 --> 00:16:32,034
- Have you got Dunkirk?
- Toby's got Dunkirk.
236
00:16:32,159 --> 00:16:35,329
There's a lot of Dunkirk about.
Ghastly colours.
237
00:16:35,454 --> 00:16:39,041
- I do a bit of Sunday painting myself.
- I want School Bombing.
238
00:16:39,166 --> 00:16:42,669
- We know what you want, Toby.
- I want School Bombing.
239
00:16:42,794 --> 00:16:45,839
- (laughter)
- Not much doubt about morale here, eh?
240
00:16:45,964 --> 00:16:49,843
It's funny when the killing starts.
Some of them don't like it.
241
00:16:49,968 --> 00:16:54,473
That's where you come in. I want you
to set up an advanced area cricket pitch.
242
00:16:54,598 --> 00:16:57,392
Did you think you can do that?
Can you read a map?
243
00:16:57,518 --> 00:17:00,687
239451 or thereabouts, near an oasis.
244
00:17:00,812 --> 00:17:03,774
Get some grass if you can.
Doesn't matter if you can't.
245
00:17:03,899 --> 00:17:07,069
I want it first class,
and I want it in September.
246
00:17:07,194 --> 00:17:12,032
That means you have three days from
the time you land behind enemy lines.
247
00:17:12,157 --> 00:17:16,578
It's got to be a good pitch because
a very important bod is going to see it.
248
00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:20,499
- How much is she?
- Does she take bully beef?
249
00:17:20,624 --> 00:17:24,127
He's going to come up out
of the torment of the noblest of games
250
00:17:24,253 --> 00:17:26,755
and hear the sharp click
of leather on willow.
251
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:31,468
Ah, with his weary soldier boys.
That'll show them, bring their tails up.
252
00:17:31,593 --> 00:17:38,725
Show this very important bod just how
high the British soldier can get his tail.
253
00:17:42,688 --> 00:17:46,859
Yes, I want it first class and in three days.
That doesn't give you much time.
254
00:17:46,984 --> 00:17:50,112
I want you to go all out.
Will you go all out for me?
255
00:17:50,237 --> 00:17:52,906
Just remember my standing orders.
Usual thing.
256
00:17:53,031 --> 00:17:58,328
Let no man surrender
if he is wounded and can fight.
257
00:17:58,453 --> 00:18:01,415
- Need I say more?
- No, sir.
258
00:18:02,374 --> 00:18:05,335
And thank you, sir, for your faith.
259
00:18:06,253 --> 00:18:12,885
I'll do what I can to tire her out, sir,
so these young soldiers don't get hurt.
260
00:18:31,403 --> 00:18:38,911
Hey, hey, hey. It's a dangerous job
and it's an important job.
261
00:18:39,036 --> 00:18:41,788
The next three days
are not going to be a picnic.
262
00:18:41,914 --> 00:18:46,668
I want you to come to me not only as
a troop leader - and it is a good troop -
263
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:49,171
but also as a friend.
264
00:18:49,296 --> 00:18:54,009
Should you have any doubts, problems,
do not hesitate to come to me.
265
00:18:55,427 --> 00:18:59,681
I want you to feel you can come to me
for help as you would your own father.
266
00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:03,268
Hello, Dad, Mum's been looking
all over the shop for you.
267
00:19:04,019 --> 00:19:06,772
Back! Mines!
268
00:19:07,856 --> 00:19:09,983
Reverse engines!
269
00:19:10,108 --> 00:19:12,152
(yells)
270
00:19:14,238 --> 00:19:16,823
Hard astern.
271
00:19:18,742 --> 00:19:20,452
To me, sir! Troop!
272
00:19:23,205 --> 00:19:26,750
Good job I saw that. Good job, eh?
273
00:19:26,875 --> 00:19:31,338
Very heavily mined, you'll find, I'm sure.
We're best out of here.
274
00:19:34,424 --> 00:19:35,884
To me.
275
00:19:49,898 --> 00:19:52,484
Rally to me, Third Troop.
276
00:19:53,527 --> 00:19:55,779
If it is humanly possible.
277
00:19:56,780 --> 00:19:59,658
I shouldn't be left on my own.
278
00:20:00,534 --> 00:20:02,661
I can't win a war on my own.
279
00:20:04,163 --> 00:20:06,206
I'm rather too young.
280
00:20:10,294 --> 00:20:13,881
I feel I'm folding up like a telescope.
281
00:20:19,887 --> 00:20:24,975
I hold the DSO. I do hold the DSO, after all.
282
00:20:30,564 --> 00:20:32,441
- Commando?
- No.
283
00:20:32,566 --> 00:20:34,902
On your feet.
284
00:20:43,619 --> 00:20:45,662
(speaks German)
285
00:20:56,173 --> 00:20:58,217
Come inside.
286
00:21:12,689 --> 00:21:16,443
You are Number 1331490?
287
00:21:17,402 --> 00:21:22,074
Lieutenant Ernest Goodbody
of His Majesty's Brigade of Musketeers.
288
00:21:22,199 --> 00:21:24,952
Huh? Educated
at Wellington and Marlborough.
289
00:21:25,077 --> 00:21:29,915
Before the war, a solicitor in the firm
of Nicholas, Collins and Osgood.
290
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:33,627
- Am I right?
- No. Sir.
291
00:21:33,752 --> 00:21:36,630
The name is right,
but all the rest is wrong.
292
00:21:40,843 --> 00:21:43,846
Oh, well, just a guess.
We are not all supermen.
293
00:21:47,975 --> 00:21:49,560
(whistles)
294
00:21:52,312 --> 00:21:57,734
Home is favourite. You wouldn't want us
making a nuisance of ourselves out there.
295
00:21:57,860 --> 00:22:00,070
- Use your initiative.
- I ain't got none.
296
00:22:00,237 --> 00:22:04,158
- Come on. Off, Pongo.
- Matelot! Whose bloody side are you on?
297
00:22:04,283 --> 00:22:10,038
It's a great gamble for a great stake
and I pray to God that it comes off.
298
00:22:10,164 --> 00:22:14,209
- I like a game of cricket myself.
- Don't you know there's a war on, jack?
299
00:22:14,334 --> 00:22:18,172
Oh, come on, don't give me that.
The sea has always bred heroes.
300
00:22:18,297 --> 00:22:23,635
At the battle of Trafalgar, one of the
French captains had both legs blown off.
301
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:27,389
- And he directed his men to the end.
- I'll see what I can do for you.
302
00:22:27,514 --> 00:22:33,937
- More than my job's worth.
- Mount, come on. Juldi/ Drivers, start up!
303
00:22:35,731 --> 00:22:42,154
We do have some drivers, don't we?
Well, who drove them on? I did.
304
00:22:45,991 --> 00:22:51,163
Clutch in, move gear, pedal down,
clutch out, now all together.
305
00:22:51,288 --> 00:22:55,709
(all) Clutch in, move gear,
pedal down, clutch out.
306
00:23:02,424 --> 00:23:03,842
Very good.
307
00:23:16,355 --> 00:23:21,860
Come on, come on. Give me some speed.
Put that brake on.
308
00:23:21,985 --> 00:23:26,782
Clutch. Don't get too near the man in front.
309
00:23:26,907 --> 00:23:28,575
It's working.
310
00:23:29,743 --> 00:23:31,787
It this absolutely North Africa?
311
00:23:31,912 --> 00:23:34,289
Because I'd like you
to have my best boots.
312
00:23:34,414 --> 00:23:39,086
I don't want your best boots.
Gear in. Accelerator down. Best boots(!)
313
00:23:39,211 --> 00:23:43,966
No, they're good lads.
They'd follow you anywhere.
314
00:23:44,091 --> 00:23:47,803
Hark at them, gazing on me
with their trusting little eyes.
315
00:23:47,928 --> 00:23:49,930
- Sir.
- Shufty.
316
00:23:50,055 --> 00:23:54,810
My feet's wet, sir. Sir, my feet's wet.
317
00:23:54,935 --> 00:23:58,939
- It's disgusting. They are manky.
- Well, they're yours.
318
00:23:59,064 --> 00:24:02,234
- You gave them toys.
- Yours.
319
00:24:02,359 --> 00:24:05,529
I haven't been able to command respect
since before the war.
320
00:24:05,654 --> 00:24:09,658
Right, stop! Stop!
321
00:24:09,783 --> 00:24:13,120
Stop!
322
00:24:13,787 --> 00:24:16,748
Then they're Mr Goodbody's,
who we seem to have mislaid.
323
00:24:16,874 --> 00:24:21,545
We'll do our best to find him. I'm gonna
shoot the bleeder, dropping me in it.
324
00:24:21,670 --> 00:24:24,631
Out, Gripweed. Handbrake on.
325
00:24:24,756 --> 00:24:26,383
Come here.
326
00:24:26,508 --> 00:24:29,303
- Is your feet, Gripweed, wet?
- No.
327
00:24:29,428 --> 00:24:32,514
You're giving me lies.
Goodbody will want to see your feet.
328
00:24:32,639 --> 00:24:36,435
- They dried.
- Then you best get them wet again. Move!
329
00:24:36,560 --> 00:24:38,645
- At the double.
- At the double.
330
00:24:38,770 --> 00:24:42,357
- Anybody else?
- Left, right, left, right...
331
00:24:42,482 --> 00:24:45,068
- (horn)
- Sarge!
332
00:24:45,194 --> 00:24:48,322
(horn blares)
333
00:24:51,783 --> 00:24:54,036
I'll teach you to try
to put the blame on me.
334
00:24:54,161 --> 00:24:57,372
That was a nasty moment.
Right, all together now.
335
00:24:57,498 --> 00:25:02,628
- Mr Goodbody, sir.
- (all) Mr Goodbody, sir.
336
00:25:02,753 --> 00:25:07,841
(all) Mr Goodbody! Mr Goodbody, sir!
337
00:25:11,678 --> 00:25:18,101
Peter Nan Oboe...
Peter Nan Oboe... Peter Nan Oboe...
338
00:25:20,604 --> 00:25:23,065
Netting call, net now.
339
00:25:23,190 --> 00:25:26,985
Seen any Musketeers
swanning about, trooper?
340
00:25:27,110 --> 00:25:29,154
Come here.
341
00:25:30,948 --> 00:25:32,241
Come here.
342
00:25:32,366 --> 00:25:39,498
All stations, report my signal.
Peter Nan Oboe... Peter Nan Oboe...
343
00:25:42,209 --> 00:25:45,671
Fourth Muskets, aren't you?
Been expecting you.
344
00:25:45,796 --> 00:25:48,924
- Blue, white and two reds.
- I'm green, green, green, sir.
345
00:25:49,049 --> 00:25:51,218
Oh, I know you are.
346
00:25:51,343 --> 00:25:54,555
Well, keep out of my way
until the pitch is ready to play.
347
00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:58,767
Peter Nan Oboe...
Hello, all stations, report my signal.
348
00:25:58,892 --> 00:26:01,478
- Where are they?
- Who, sir?
349
00:26:01,603 --> 00:26:07,401
- The Bedoo, my wily Arabs.
- I've lost contact with my men too, sir.
350
00:26:07,526 --> 00:26:10,195
- Oh, brew, sir?
- Treating them right? No!
351
00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:13,448
- They think the world of me.
- They should be up here then.
352
00:26:13,574 --> 00:26:17,286
- No brew.
- Bum on. On to Tripoli.
353
00:26:17,411 --> 00:26:19,454
Uh...
354
00:26:19,580 --> 00:26:21,707
- Come on.
- I was wondering, sir, a lift.
355
00:26:22,666 --> 00:26:24,710
Sir... I...
356
00:26:29,798 --> 00:26:31,842
Bum on. Bum on.
357
00:26:53,906 --> 00:26:58,327
- Oh, it's gonna hurt, Flo.
- Damn, damn!
358
00:27:00,162 --> 00:27:04,291
Get me another vehicle.
Come on, come on, come on.
359
00:27:04,416 --> 00:27:08,921
- Ah!
- I'll take one of yours. Come on, come on!
360
00:27:10,797 --> 00:27:13,884
- Come on, come on!
- Where've you been?
361
00:27:14,009 --> 00:27:17,596
Get out. Come on, come on.
362
00:27:17,721 --> 00:27:19,765
Get out.
363
00:27:20,599 --> 00:27:24,269
Looking after their feet, are you, boy?
See they get plenty of tea.
364
00:27:24,394 --> 00:27:29,358
Curious thing, that, give the British soldier
plenty of tea, and he'll die for you.
365
00:27:30,484 --> 00:27:33,862
Of course, I'm a poet.
I expect things. I love the desert.
366
00:27:33,987 --> 00:27:38,450
You took me for an ignorant old fire-eater.
No. I'm sleeping with the desert.
367
00:27:39,451 --> 00:27:43,956
Not unusual. Pat a white rump in the
desert and you'll startle an Englishman.
368
00:27:44,081 --> 00:27:45,874
The Englishman loves the desert.
369
00:27:45,999 --> 00:27:49,002
- You?
- I'm trying, sir.
370
00:27:49,127 --> 00:27:54,258
Er, I play the piano. Not boasting.
Just a fact, that's all. Working class.
371
00:27:54,383 --> 00:27:59,096
I think you should. Look after their feet,
boy. They can't be trusted with their feet.
372
00:27:59,221 --> 00:28:02,766
Feet and brew-ups and you'll find
you can do anything with him.
373
00:28:02,891 --> 00:28:07,020
Keep a tight rein on his habits.
Those of a pig, mostly.
374
00:28:07,145 --> 00:28:12,109
But even a pig has his moment. Carries
the blue ribbon. Don't despise your men.
375
00:28:12,234 --> 00:28:15,237
They've given me a good life
so don't despise them. Here.
376
00:28:15,362 --> 00:28:17,906
Share these out amongst them.
377
00:28:20,784 --> 00:28:25,122
- Remember me, Grapple of the Bedoo.
- I won't bloody remember you.
378
00:28:26,623 --> 00:28:30,419
- He used to be a fascist, sir.
- It takes all sorts.
379
00:28:30,544 --> 00:28:34,673
Fascism is something you grow out of.
I tried to change the world myself.
380
00:28:34,798 --> 00:28:39,136
Doesn't do. I wouldn't think anything
of you if you hadn't been a fascist.
381
00:28:39,261 --> 00:28:42,139
Keep them at it
so they don't have time for dirty things.
382
00:28:42,264 --> 00:28:45,392
Come on, young fella,
you've only got three more days.
383
00:28:45,517 --> 00:28:47,561
No time for poetry.
384
00:28:51,106 --> 00:28:54,735
(bugle)
385
00:28:54,860 --> 00:28:59,781
- There goes a very gallant gentleman.
- Oh, I know, sir, like you, sir.
386
00:28:59,907 --> 00:29:03,535
Thank you, sir,
for not holding fascism against me.
387
00:29:03,660 --> 00:29:08,874
I was a great mate of Mosley's. I held his
voice for him while he lost his meetings.
388
00:29:10,584 --> 00:29:14,087
Hey, hey, I'd just like to say a few words.
389
00:29:17,549 --> 00:29:23,347
Move, now.
I want to say how pleased I am...
390
00:29:26,517 --> 00:29:28,560
How pleased I was
391
00:29:28,685 --> 00:29:35,400
when I heard that I was going to lead you
on this dangerous and important task.
392
00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:43,367
I've always thought that when the time
came, we'd all get on splendidly together.
393
00:29:43,492 --> 00:29:45,828
Bravery, things like that.
394
00:29:45,953 --> 00:29:48,413
(yells)
395
00:29:48,539 --> 00:29:54,044
When I was told I was to be your troop
leader, I had a little weep and a laugh.
396
00:29:54,169 --> 00:29:57,840
I do know we're all going
to get on splendidly together.
397
00:29:57,965 --> 00:30:02,135
- You play ball with me...
- (men) And I'll play ball with you.
398
00:30:02,261 --> 00:30:05,514
(all) You do your bit and I'll do mine.
399
00:30:05,639 --> 00:30:07,975
We're all members of the same team,
400
00:30:08,100 --> 00:30:13,897
each playing our part
in the fight for freedom and democracy.
401
00:30:14,022 --> 00:30:21,947
Never surrender. Work hard. Train hard.
Play hard. And kill hard.
402
00:30:22,072 --> 00:30:23,949
Don't take it too hard.
403
00:30:24,867 --> 00:30:30,414
(Grapple) Look after your lads. They're no
good to me if their feet aren't up to snuff.
404
00:30:35,627 --> 00:30:37,504
It hurts, Flo.
405
00:30:37,629 --> 00:30:42,634
It is impossible to tell all the touching and
heroic stories of courage and patience...
406
00:30:42,759 --> 00:30:47,139
- It hurts, Flo.
- Run them under the cold tap, love.
407
00:31:08,327 --> 00:31:10,829
It is indeed a lovely sight.
408
00:31:10,954 --> 00:31:13,832
Thank you, sir, it is my best part.
409
00:31:13,957 --> 00:31:17,211
- Corporal of Musket!
- Can I put my shirt on now, sir?
410
00:31:17,336 --> 00:31:22,090
Have you seen it?
It is indeed a lovely sight.
411
00:31:22,216 --> 00:31:24,092
Corporal of Musket, look at it.
412
00:31:24,218 --> 00:31:26,136
Will you be available for stag, sir?
413
00:31:26,261 --> 00:31:31,016
If you will be taking your turn on guard,
I'd suggest first stag and me on last,
414
00:31:31,141 --> 00:31:36,438
making sure you was fresh for command
on the off at the most likely times.
415
00:31:36,563 --> 00:31:41,902
Pro tem, you can say no, I'll have you
down for mine being off at the first light.
416
00:31:42,027 --> 00:31:44,279
Think we ought to green, green, green?
417
00:31:44,404 --> 00:31:48,951
- Not unless you want bang, bang, bang.
- In the sky? Send up the Union Jack!
418
00:31:49,076 --> 00:31:50,994
White and two reds...
419
00:31:51,119 --> 00:31:54,873
That's very like the Colonel,
which reminds me...
420
00:31:54,998 --> 00:31:59,586
If you do take a stag, sir, that's one hour
each, unless you keep the wireless open,
421
00:31:59,711 --> 00:32:02,214
making the operator
unavailable for guard.
422
00:32:02,339 --> 00:32:06,009
- That's me.
- Wireless silence, Corporal of Musket.
423
00:32:06,134 --> 00:32:08,887
What have we got a wireless for, then?
424
00:32:09,012 --> 00:32:14,893
We can't have wireless silence
without a wireless, can we, Spool?
425
00:32:15,018 --> 00:32:17,145
Do come in, Corporal of Musket.
426
00:32:18,689 --> 00:32:25,237
Of course I'll take my turn. That goes
without saying. Put me down for last stag.
427
00:32:25,362 --> 00:32:29,032
- Gripweed.
- Sir?
428
00:32:29,158 --> 00:32:31,285
Green, green, green.
429
00:32:31,410 --> 00:32:35,873
Well, our officer calls me up and he says,
"Musketeer Gripweed..."
430
00:32:35,998 --> 00:32:39,334
He was a tall chap.
Some would call him weedy. I did.
431
00:32:39,459 --> 00:32:43,922
He said to me, and bear in mind we were
a few hundred miles behind enemy lines,
432
00:32:44,047 --> 00:32:46,466
"Green, green, green" so I did.
433
00:32:48,177 --> 00:32:50,679
(shots)
434
00:32:50,804 --> 00:32:53,223
What...?
435
00:32:53,348 --> 00:32:56,602
(speaks German)
436
00:33:00,856 --> 00:33:03,400
Gr�n, gr�n, gr�n? Weg/
437
00:33:03,525 --> 00:33:08,155
These were given to me
by a very gallant gentleman.
438
00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:13,285
- I want to see all feet before we move.
- I think that was a mistake, sir.
439
00:33:15,746 --> 00:33:19,958
Why, Corporal Dooley?
Have they been neglecting their feet?
440
00:33:20,083 --> 00:33:23,420
- Have you?
- Get away from those vehicles.
441
00:33:37,184 --> 00:33:38,769
(shouts)
442
00:33:59,540 --> 00:34:01,583
(explosion)
443
00:34:04,211 --> 00:34:06,755
Dooley, hitch that roller up.
444
00:36:11,463 --> 00:36:13,882
- That's a relief.
- (all) That's a relief.
445
00:36:14,007 --> 00:36:16,552
- Is this still North Africa?
- What?
446
00:36:16,677 --> 00:36:18,262
Brew-up, sir?
447
00:36:18,428 --> 00:36:22,641
You see why those lorries burnt so well
and exploded - nay, came apart -
448
00:36:22,766 --> 00:36:26,603
that's petrol and lubricants,
which is very difficult to get in war.
449
00:36:26,728 --> 00:36:30,732
- Not for the British army. Or doctors.
- Right.
450
00:36:32,568 --> 00:36:36,446
All we're getting on with now is casualties.
Report me casualties.
451
00:36:36,572 --> 00:36:38,532
Ammo, water, petrol remaining.
452
00:36:38,657 --> 00:36:43,370
One, have we got enough to get
to the oasis - which we will - is a point?
453
00:36:43,495 --> 00:36:45,622
Two days, Corporal of Musket.
454
00:36:45,747 --> 00:36:49,168
Two, dip for remaining fuel,
Corporal Dooley.
455
00:36:49,293 --> 00:36:51,336
What's this?
456
00:36:54,673 --> 00:36:57,634
That's a coward, sir.
We were bound to have one.
457
00:36:57,759 --> 00:37:00,470
You can tell by the sweat
and the mess on his uniform.
458
00:37:00,596 --> 00:37:05,058
- Not a pretty sight, is he, sir?
- He's taking all his clothes off.
459
00:37:07,060 --> 00:37:09,646
Now, stop this. That.
460
00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:14,067
- Will you take my horse, sir?
- (canned laughter)
461
00:37:14,193 --> 00:37:17,696
Take no large notice, sir.
He is working what is known as ticket.
462
00:37:17,821 --> 00:37:19,323
It keeps the lads amused.
463
00:37:19,448 --> 00:37:21,366
Pick those bits up, Gripweed.
464
00:37:21,492 --> 00:37:24,828
- Where's your tin hat, Juniper?
- Losing by neglect, sir.
465
00:37:24,953 --> 00:37:28,582
If I catch you without it again,
I'll ram it down your throat.
466
00:37:28,707 --> 00:37:31,084
Losing one mess tin.
467
00:37:31,210 --> 00:37:34,254
- Did you have your name on it?
- Scratched on.
468
00:37:34,379 --> 00:37:37,090
- Pull these men together.
- Scratched on?
469
00:37:37,216 --> 00:37:40,219
- Scored it.
- You disfigured government property?
470
00:37:40,344 --> 00:37:44,348
Six days Royal Warrant.
March him off, Musket Major. Two men.
471
00:37:46,683 --> 00:37:50,896
You ought to camouflage up, sir,
or get the scrim up if you're stopping.
472
00:37:51,021 --> 00:37:55,108
Us in our vest are exposed
to all manner of nastiness.
473
00:37:55,234 --> 00:37:58,570
I'm going to explode, but I won't.
474
00:37:58,695 --> 00:38:00,864
I think the roller, don't you?
475
00:38:00,989 --> 00:38:05,828
- Bayonet. Where's your bayonet?
- Must have left it sticking in the enemy.
476
00:38:05,953 --> 00:38:08,288
- Where's your spur?
- Left it in the horse.
477
00:38:08,413 --> 00:38:11,917
- Two men.
- (canned laughter continues)
478
00:38:16,129 --> 00:38:19,883
- There, on the end of my finger.
- Finger?
479
00:38:20,008 --> 00:38:24,096
- Musketeer Juniper, where's your finger?
- Left it up the Khyber Pass.
480
00:38:24,221 --> 00:38:29,476
Self-inflicted injury.
March him off, Musket Major. Wait for it!
481
00:38:29,601 --> 00:38:31,645
Two men.
482
00:38:33,605 --> 00:38:39,069
I'm going away. I'm going
to walk a few paces backwards.
483
00:38:40,487 --> 00:38:45,367
And I'm going to take a bearing,
out of earshot.
484
00:38:45,492 --> 00:38:49,079
I am... right now.
485
00:38:49,204 --> 00:38:55,169
Me. And when I get back,
I want that man in there out of there...
486
00:38:55,294 --> 00:38:59,756
where I command from,
with all his clothes on.
487
00:38:59,882 --> 00:39:03,260
And I want the roller
limbered up for moving.
488
00:39:03,385 --> 00:39:06,013
With all his clothes on.
489
00:39:06,138 --> 00:39:08,182
PDQ.
490
00:39:10,309 --> 00:39:12,769
- That's a relief.
- That's a relief.
491
00:39:12,895 --> 00:39:15,230
Excuse me, sir. Sorry, sir.
492
00:39:16,857 --> 00:39:19,443
That's a relief.
493
00:39:19,568 --> 00:39:21,612
Two men.
494
00:39:26,033 --> 00:39:28,076
Mount!
495
00:39:29,578 --> 00:39:32,539
- It's for your own good, lad.
- Let me out.
496
00:39:32,664 --> 00:39:34,708
Let me out.
497
00:39:37,836 --> 00:39:41,632
- Will you put this on?
- No. Bloody let me out.
498
00:39:47,846 --> 00:39:51,350
I wish I had 20 like you, Corporal Dooley.
499
00:39:55,270 --> 00:39:58,023
Do you think you ought to go sick?
500
00:40:01,151 --> 00:40:02,611
Driver, advance.
501
00:40:05,697 --> 00:40:08,992
(theme from "Lawrence Of Arabia")
502
00:40:48,657 --> 00:40:53,162
Get your cable out, Gripweed.
Get this half-track back.
503
00:40:53,287 --> 00:40:55,747
Drogue, records
for the regimental magazine.
504
00:40:55,873 --> 00:40:58,792
Right reverse. Come on.
505
00:40:58,917 --> 00:41:02,588
Back, back, back, back. Right!
506
00:41:02,713 --> 00:41:04,756
Come on, hitch it on.
507
00:41:09,928 --> 00:41:13,640
Cable attached, Gripweed?
Right, forward.
508
00:41:22,316 --> 00:41:25,068
Sorry, the gears look all alike.
509
00:41:30,199 --> 00:41:32,242
Smile, please.
510
00:41:47,966 --> 00:41:51,053
- That's a relief.
- That's a relief.
511
00:41:54,681 --> 00:41:56,725
Dig the officer out.
512
00:42:06,193 --> 00:42:08,946
(theme from "Lawrence Of Arabia")
513
00:42:25,087 --> 00:42:28,131
- Brew-up, sir?
- I think so, yes.
514
00:42:37,891 --> 00:42:41,186
Can you read a map, Corporal of Musket?
515
00:42:44,648 --> 00:42:47,651
This is the Via Balbia.
516
00:42:47,776 --> 00:42:50,529
Now, there is where...
517
00:42:50,654 --> 00:42:54,700
There... we get our petrol from.
518
00:42:54,825 --> 00:43:01,165
- We take it from a German petrol dump.
- Very good, sir.
519
00:43:03,792 --> 00:43:05,586
That man, stand still.
520
00:43:07,212 --> 00:43:09,173
- Clapper.
- Me?
521
00:43:09,298 --> 00:43:11,758
You're improperly dressed.
522
00:43:14,386 --> 00:43:18,849
- Best boots in for repair, sir?
- Do your button up, lad. You're idle.
523
00:43:18,974 --> 00:43:22,477
- Oh, ta.
- Entertaining the troops.
524
00:43:22,603 --> 00:43:28,108
My wife - large girl - works in a caff.
Biggest chips in the business.
525
00:43:28,734 --> 00:43:31,820
There have been
too many unwounded prisoners taken.
526
00:43:31,945 --> 00:43:35,365
Don't let it happen again.
Cut your throats next time.
527
00:43:35,491 --> 00:43:40,329
Talking of throats, my wife. I took her
to the station to see the engines shunt.
528
00:43:40,454 --> 00:43:44,833
Christmas, lovely girl, do you know
what she had in her stocking?
529
00:43:44,958 --> 00:43:47,002
Legs, all the way up.
530
00:43:49,004 --> 00:43:51,548
- He's mad.
- No, he's not, sir.
531
00:43:51,673 --> 00:43:53,759
Working his ticket. It's inevitable.
532
00:43:53,884 --> 00:43:58,972
You, when you find yourself surrounded
by the enemy with no hope of survival,
533
00:43:59,097 --> 00:44:02,851
you must organise yourself
into a defensive locality and hold out.
534
00:44:02,976 --> 00:44:03,894
I will.
535
00:44:04,019 --> 00:44:07,814
By doing so, you will add enormously
to the enemy's difficulties.
536
00:44:07,940 --> 00:44:11,443
I'd like to add to the enormous enemy...
I've never been a bother.
537
00:44:11,568 --> 00:44:15,823
You will also save yourself spending
the rest of the war years in the bag.
538
00:44:15,948 --> 00:44:23,080
I mean, the box. Prisoner-of-war camp.
Sitting there, going... (repeated ticks)
539
00:44:28,168 --> 00:44:33,048
Let us go into the ring
in this, our first round,
540
00:44:33,173 --> 00:44:38,720
with the light of battle in our eyes and
the strength of the righteous in our hearts.
541
00:44:38,846 --> 00:44:41,265
- He's not mad.
- Yes, he is, sir.
542
00:44:41,390 --> 00:44:43,684
Keep the first three rows for the officers.
543
00:44:43,809 --> 00:44:47,479
- Sir. Tea, sir? Thank you, sir, tea, sir.
- (Juniper) Take my wife.
544
00:44:47,604 --> 00:44:53,819
You, the commanding officer! You look
as if you're suffering from bottle fatigue.
545
00:44:56,238 --> 00:44:59,158
- The man's mad, eh?
- No, he's not, sir.
546
00:44:59,283 --> 00:45:02,619
Working his ticket.
Put him somewhere, he might cop one.
547
00:45:02,744 --> 00:45:06,415
- I want to fight.
- Good lad.
548
00:45:06,540 --> 00:45:09,960
Is that a linear belt? It's very nice.
549
00:45:10,752 --> 00:45:14,882
Yes, well. Put some clothes on
and we'll see, eh?
550
00:45:16,550 --> 00:45:20,721
Ah! This damn sand.
When will it ever end?
551
00:45:23,765 --> 00:45:29,313
You see, the thing about fighting
a desert war is that it is a clean war.
552
00:45:29,438 --> 00:45:34,735
Without brutality. Clean-limbed, without
dishonourable actions on either side.
553
00:45:34,860 --> 00:45:39,156
Number 18, concerning the weather.
554
00:45:39,281 --> 00:45:45,454
What wretched, filthy, glorious,
disappointing weather we are having.
555
00:45:46,205 --> 00:45:51,627
And there are no civilians in the desert.
Except me. I'm a civilian.
556
00:45:54,129 --> 00:45:57,090
But what am I then?
557
00:45:57,216 --> 00:46:02,429
Well, try as I may, I can't see you
queuing for a number eight bus,
558
00:46:02,554 --> 00:46:05,516
jingling your fourpence.
559
00:46:05,641 --> 00:46:07,976
That's because I'm German.
560
00:46:08,852 --> 00:46:10,896
(speaking German)
561
00:46:17,027 --> 00:46:19,488
I think you are a civilian.
562
00:46:19,613 --> 00:46:22,950
Yes, certainly I am.
Don't be put off by the clothes we wear.
563
00:46:23,075 --> 00:46:25,369
We only wear these for fighting in.
564
00:46:25,494 --> 00:46:29,122
I expect I've grown out
of my Harris tweeds by now.
565
00:46:29,248 --> 00:46:33,335
Putting it that way, I think we all are.
566
00:46:33,460 --> 00:46:39,508
Yes, I think underneath
we are all blameless.
567
00:46:39,633 --> 00:46:45,472
- Hey, Franz, you are a civilian.
- A civilian?
568
00:46:45,597 --> 00:46:49,685
"Thank Christ for that" he said,
laying down his rifle and going home,
569
00:46:49,810 --> 00:46:54,481
so helping to perpetuate the dangerous
myth that soldiers don't like war.
570
00:46:54,606 --> 00:46:56,650
Which they do.
571
00:47:00,737 --> 00:47:06,743
It's a strange thought to think that this will
be the last world war fought by civilians.
572
00:47:06,869 --> 00:47:08,829
I find it strange.
573
00:47:08,954 --> 00:47:11,790
It'll make a nice change
to stick a bayonet into a chap
574
00:47:11,915 --> 00:47:14,793
rather than a rotten old sandbag.
575
00:47:16,170 --> 00:47:18,213
You'll be all right, lad.
576
00:47:19,756 --> 00:47:24,845
I'm not going. Let him nick his own petrol.
I've got a young wife.
577
00:47:24,970 --> 00:47:27,014
(all mutter)
578
00:47:27,723 --> 00:47:32,311
- Now, see, lads, there's more to it, eh?
- (discontent increases)
579
00:47:32,436 --> 00:47:36,899
There's lots of satisfaction
to be had out of the anticipation.
580
00:47:37,024 --> 00:47:42,446
There's lots of fun and letting off steam.
It's not all death.
581
00:47:42,571 --> 00:47:45,657
There's lots of fun to be had
out of other things as well.
582
00:47:45,782 --> 00:47:48,660
Now, come on, let's take a look at you.
583
00:47:48,785 --> 00:47:51,330
- (clamour)
- Hang on a minute.
584
00:47:51,455 --> 00:47:54,166
Can't let you down
with dirty nails, can we?
585
00:47:54,291 --> 00:47:56,877
Right. Crews front. Get fell in.
586
00:47:57,002 --> 00:47:59,046
(shouting)
587
00:48:02,007 --> 00:48:06,094
- Don't say or tell them anything.
- My wife is young.
588
00:48:06,220 --> 00:48:08,680
If you say anything, whisper,
so they won't know.
589
00:48:08,805 --> 00:48:13,185
- Happy, shed a tear, entertained.
- I haven't got a wife yet. I've never done it.
590
00:48:13,310 --> 00:48:19,233
I'll stick my bayonet up the jacksy of
the first who talks loud of love and wives
591
00:48:19,358 --> 00:48:21,318
and children - I've got children.
592
00:48:21,443 --> 00:48:25,197
I play the piano.
I'm not fighting this war for them.
593
00:48:25,322 --> 00:48:29,660
Now, then, first one to look wonky
will get my boot up his dirtbox.
594
00:48:29,785 --> 00:48:33,121
I die now in North Africa.
I've been crying, telling you.
595
00:48:33,247 --> 00:48:36,792
Don't ask, don't threaten,
don't plead, keep it shut.
596
00:48:36,917 --> 00:48:41,964
- I'm not a thief.
- Now, then, you're all clean for gangrene.
597
00:48:42,089 --> 00:48:46,134
Don't loose me down. If we should be
stonked, get away from the vehicles.
598
00:48:46,260 --> 00:48:49,137
I want to see you back here,
clean, bright and spent.
599
00:48:49,263 --> 00:48:53,517
Keep it wrapped, don't do anything I
wouldn't. There's transport if you want it.
600
00:48:53,642 --> 00:48:56,353
If you're picked up,
tell them you're a Guardsman.
601
00:48:56,478 --> 00:48:59,148
Hands out of your pockets.
Top hats will not be worn.
602
00:48:59,273 --> 00:49:05,654
No fish and chips in uniform.
Parade... Parade, turn.
603
00:49:09,575 --> 00:49:15,873
- Parade ready for your inspection, sir.
- Thank you, Corporal of Musket.
604
00:49:17,916 --> 00:49:22,296
- Musketeer Drogue, isn't it?
- I'd like you to have my blessing.
605
00:49:22,421 --> 00:49:26,425
Don't worry too much. Very good turnout.
606
00:49:26,550 --> 00:49:29,761
There's been marvellous advances
in surgery, thanks to war.
607
00:49:29,887 --> 00:49:33,682
- Well done, Musketeer Drogue. Black up.
- (quacks)
608
00:49:33,807 --> 00:49:35,601
You can't make me fight.
609
00:49:35,726 --> 00:49:40,689
No, but we can put you where your
decision might prove fatal. Pieces of jam.
610
00:49:40,814 --> 00:49:42,774
Right, mount.
611
00:49:44,526 --> 00:49:49,490
I don't know your name
but I'd like you to have my camera.
612
00:49:50,491 --> 00:49:56,246
Orders, information enemy, nil.
Information own troops. We are...
613
00:49:56,371 --> 00:50:02,336
(all) Third Troop of the Fourth Muskets
acting in an independent role as infantry,
614
00:50:02,461 --> 00:50:07,216
lorried behind the enemy lines
with sports equipment.
615
00:50:29,279 --> 00:50:30,948
(Goodbody) Intention.
616
00:50:31,073 --> 00:50:34,743
(all) We shall, under cover of darkness,
617
00:50:34,868 --> 00:50:40,916
occupy a position
overlooking the enemy encampment.
618
00:50:41,041 --> 00:50:48,924
We will then attack
and destroy the enemy for his petrol.
619
00:50:49,967 --> 00:50:54,429
I spy with my little eye
something beginning with G.
620
00:50:59,518 --> 00:51:03,856
Method. Corporal Dooley, with one LMG,
will move forward to high ground
621
00:51:03,981 --> 00:51:06,191
at 1.00 o'clock from my present position.
622
00:51:06,316 --> 00:51:09,027
(all) The rest of the troop,
under my command,
623
00:51:09,153 --> 00:51:15,659
will crawl to a point - figures -
100 yards in front of the objective
624
00:51:15,784 --> 00:51:20,205
where they will wait for the LMG
to get into position.
625
00:51:20,330 --> 00:51:26,712
The signal for the LMG to open fire
shall be green, green, green.
626
00:51:26,837 --> 00:51:31,717
The LMG shall cease firing
when the main attack is mounted
627
00:51:31,842 --> 00:51:37,306
and is within - figures -
50 yards of the objective.
628
00:51:37,431 --> 00:51:42,686
We will consolidate on the objective.
We shall not take prisoners.
629
00:51:42,811 --> 00:51:46,148
If we pull together,
with true British pluck and team spirit,
630
00:51:46,273 --> 00:51:50,569
we shall, with the help
of the Almighty God of battles,
631
00:51:50,694 --> 00:51:53,572
win his just victory
over the forces of evil.
632
00:51:53,697 --> 00:51:57,409
Good luck. I'm a little duck
so let's get quacking into battle.
633
00:51:57,534 --> 00:51:59,203
- Come on.
- Eh?
634
00:51:59,328 --> 00:52:02,456
Who's the Almighty God of battles?
Jesus, is it?
635
00:52:02,581 --> 00:52:05,542
That's right. It will be. Jesus.
636
00:52:05,667 --> 00:52:08,962
Clapper, I'd like you to have my watch.
637
00:52:41,203 --> 00:52:43,247
(shouting in German)
638
00:53:36,425 --> 00:53:39,761
Command, forward!
639
00:53:45,434 --> 00:53:48,645
Come on! Come on!
640
00:53:58,030 --> 00:53:59,448
Forward!
641
00:53:59,573 --> 00:54:01,325
(Goodbody) Follow me!
642
00:54:15,881 --> 00:54:18,425
(speaking German)
643
00:54:39,822 --> 00:54:41,782
(shouting in German)
644
00:55:15,649 --> 00:55:19,027
Where are you going, lad?
Why don't you make the best of it?
645
00:55:19,153 --> 00:55:22,406
It can be fun. Some have
the best of their life in the army.
646
00:55:22,531 --> 00:55:25,325
(screaming/canned laughter)
647
00:56:07,242 --> 00:56:10,704
A rout! A disgraceful rout.
648
00:56:10,829 --> 00:56:15,125
Get fell in. Let's see your bayonets.
Have them out, have them out.
649
00:56:15,250 --> 00:56:18,337
Why are you laughing, Drogue?
Wipe that smile off your face.
650
00:56:18,462 --> 00:56:20,714
Let's see 'em, at the end of your hype -
651
00:56:20,839 --> 00:56:23,592
not waving about
like a hampton searching for a hand.
652
00:56:23,717 --> 00:56:27,471
What do we wear in our caps?
Does it need cleaning, Juniper?
653
00:56:27,596 --> 00:56:30,182
- Yes, it does.
- Look at them all, shining bright.
654
00:56:30,307 --> 00:56:34,937
Fancy me fighting filthy like that.
An old chubby duster like me.
655
00:56:35,062 --> 00:56:39,817
Might have got gangrene from that.
I'll have it out with my servant.
656
00:56:39,942 --> 00:56:44,321
Filthy! Get a tube, siphon petrol from
the gin palace and fill up the half-track.
657
00:56:44,446 --> 00:56:47,866
- That's you out of mischief.
- Look at them all, shining bright.
658
00:56:47,991 --> 00:56:51,787
- I want them stinking.
- Corporal of Musket.
659
00:56:54,957 --> 00:56:57,000
Condensed milk.
660
00:56:58,460 --> 00:57:00,963
About all you're good for,
sticking it in tins.
661
00:57:01,088 --> 00:57:06,510
Your badge represents the regiment
and the regiment represents all of us.
662
00:57:06,635 --> 00:57:09,555
You, me, all of us here today.
663
00:57:09,680 --> 00:57:12,933
- A dirty badge is a disgrace.
- They shouldn't be clean.
664
00:57:13,058 --> 00:57:15,894
Shining bright? Two days,
for having a dirty bayonet.
665
00:57:16,019 --> 00:57:20,482
- They shouldn't be clean.
- They should be sticky with blood.
666
00:57:20,607 --> 00:57:22,442
What did you return with?
667
00:57:22,568 --> 00:57:24,862
- I got some pretty things.
- No, no.
668
00:57:24,987 --> 00:57:28,031
I want to see you coming back
on the high port, grinning.
669
00:57:28,157 --> 00:57:31,201
With blood running down arms,
dripping from elbows.
670
00:57:31,326 --> 00:57:34,246
I don't care whose blood it is.
Stick it in your mate.
671
00:57:34,371 --> 00:57:38,041
Let's have it used. I hate waste.
672
00:57:38,167 --> 00:57:41,295
See. See mine.
673
00:57:44,006 --> 00:57:48,135
It represents your father,
mine, his before that.
674
00:57:48,260 --> 00:57:51,305
It represents battles
fought and won years ago.
675
00:57:51,430 --> 00:57:54,141
Battles fought so that we could live
as we wanted to,
676
00:57:54,266 --> 00:57:56,894
long before the Americans
were even thought of.
677
00:57:57,019 --> 00:58:01,899
They didn't invent living, you know.
It represents tradition, Musketeer.
678
00:58:02,024 --> 00:58:05,319
And I for one won't stand
for a dirty tradition.
679
00:58:05,444 --> 00:58:07,196
Get the nonsense out of them.
680
00:58:07,321 --> 00:58:10,782
I tried to get you interested.
You'll have to learn the hard way.
681
00:58:10,908 --> 00:58:13,160
Squad, 'shun!
682
00:58:13,285 --> 00:58:15,329
High port.
683
00:58:15,454 --> 00:58:17,748
At the throat, point in!
684
00:58:17,873 --> 00:58:20,584
Out! En garde. Shout it, Clapper.
685
00:58:20,709 --> 00:58:24,838
- In, out, en garde!
- Let's hear from you.
686
00:58:24,963 --> 00:58:27,549
Can I see you
for a moment, personal, sir?
687
00:58:27,674 --> 00:58:30,719
- What?
- It's the butcher this time, sir.
688
00:58:30,844 --> 00:58:33,931
With his steak and his mutton.
She'll do anything for extra.
689
00:58:34,056 --> 00:58:37,392
(soldiers) Left nipple, right groin/
690
00:58:37,518 --> 00:58:39,895
Left nipple, right groin/
691
00:58:40,020 --> 00:58:44,399
Is it now the butcher which is carrying out
intimacy at your home address?
692
00:58:44,525 --> 00:58:47,736
- (all) In, out, en garde.
- Is it right, sir?
693
00:58:47,861 --> 00:58:50,572
- Is it right a butcher should...
- (all) Whip it out!
694
00:58:50,697 --> 00:58:54,034
- (all) Whip it in!
...while her husband is away fighting?
695
00:58:54,159 --> 00:58:57,913
- (all) And wipe it.
- At the throat, jab. Shout it, Clapper.
696
00:58:58,038 --> 00:59:00,749
At the throat, jab!
697
00:59:00,874 --> 00:59:04,628
At the throat, jab! At the throat, jab!
698
00:59:04,753 --> 00:59:08,090
- Kill him. Kill the bleeder.
- At the throat, Gripweed!
699
00:59:08,215 --> 00:59:12,177
- How's this for openers?
- (engine)
700
00:59:15,430 --> 00:59:17,516
Now, watch closely.
701
00:59:17,641 --> 00:59:22,896
I am about to demonstrate the correct use
of the identification triangle.
702
00:59:24,857 --> 00:59:29,319
Oblique, middle and near east.
Oblique, yellow.
703
00:59:32,072 --> 00:59:34,783
Each platoon, troop or tactical unit
704
00:59:34,908 --> 00:59:38,912
will detail one man
to carry the triangle at all times.
705
00:59:39,037 --> 00:59:44,543
Now watch closely, Clapper, because
in future you will be the triangle man.
706
00:59:45,544 --> 00:59:50,883
But any one of you might be called upon
to be conversant with the triangle.
707
00:59:51,008 --> 00:59:53,635
So watch closely.
You won't get another chance.
708
00:59:53,760 --> 00:59:58,056
It is tied under the chin, like so.
709
00:59:58,182 --> 01:00:00,934
On the approach of a friendly aircraft,
710
01:00:01,059 --> 01:00:07,608
the bearer stands in a prominent position
and displays the triangle thus.
711
01:00:10,694 --> 01:00:13,447
- Where's the roller gone?
- (machine gun)
712
01:00:14,781 --> 01:00:17,201
Gripweed, have you stolen the roller?
713
01:00:24,166 --> 01:00:26,418
Where's that roller gone?
714
01:00:26,877 --> 01:00:29,338
This is the last straw.
715
01:00:31,006 --> 01:00:35,928
That is it. No one move from this spot.
716
01:00:36,053 --> 01:00:41,308
There'll be no more leave, late-night
passes until that roller is returned.
717
01:00:41,433 --> 01:00:45,187
I get you all clean, fit,
ready for fighting and what do you do?
718
01:00:45,312 --> 01:00:50,275
There'll be no more privileges.
I'll stop this petty thieving.
719
01:00:51,193 --> 01:00:55,155
And, Gripweed, what's more,
who's had my Brylcreem?
720
01:00:55,280 --> 01:00:58,116
- You?
- Never touch the stuff, I'm excused hair.
721
01:01:01,203 --> 01:01:07,334
There! Italian recreation eyeties!
You can't put a bloody thing down.
722
01:01:07,459 --> 01:01:10,796
There is a code, you know. Scavengers.
723
01:01:21,765 --> 01:01:25,769
Sticks in my craw. I can take most things
but stealing I draw the line at.
724
01:01:26,645 --> 01:01:29,898
Here we are, fighting
the most desperate war in history,
725
01:01:30,023 --> 01:01:32,651
and a few wop adventurers
act the giddy goat.
726
01:01:32,776 --> 01:01:36,363
I've seen your sort fumigated.
If a wop can be fumigated.
727
01:01:36,488 --> 01:01:39,116
To think they once handed out
ice cream wafers.
728
01:01:39,241 --> 01:01:42,911
To think you once handed out
cornets on a Sunday afternoon.
729
01:01:43,036 --> 01:01:48,750
Is there no damn decency left in you?
No respect for the property of others?
730
01:01:48,876 --> 01:01:52,754
Play your ridiculous game but don't
expect us to take any notice of you.
731
01:01:52,880 --> 01:01:55,924
Grown men in shorts! I'm pretty incensed.
732
01:01:56,049 --> 01:01:58,635
It's one of the most shocking things
in the war.
733
01:01:58,760 --> 01:02:02,598
It's a shame the Italian nation
has to be brought into disrepute
734
01:02:02,723 --> 01:02:07,394
by the lunatic actions
of a pitiful few fascist pimps.
735
01:02:07,519 --> 01:02:10,063
And let that be a lesson to you!
736
01:02:24,161 --> 01:02:26,330
(engine cuts out)
737
01:02:46,099 --> 01:02:49,728
Well done! Oh, very well done!
738
01:02:49,853 --> 01:02:52,481
- (cheering)
- Italia/
739
01:02:52,606 --> 01:02:57,194
The tide is turning.
Our very first real victory.
740
01:02:57,319 --> 01:03:01,532
The beginning of the end for the Boche.
I think the tide is turning. I do!
741
01:03:01,657 --> 01:03:03,992
You got him, Tranners! I do!
742
01:03:05,911 --> 01:03:10,040
- Wasn't he one of ours?
- Here's one of mine.
743
01:03:10,165 --> 01:03:13,627
- Go on, get him.
- Let that be a lesson to you.
744
01:03:13,752 --> 01:03:17,339
- Shoot your own officers.
- You can't leave a thing lying around.
745
01:03:17,464 --> 01:03:22,511
There's nobody to be trusted in total war.
Well done, though.
746
01:03:22,636 --> 01:03:29,268
Our first real victory. The writing
on the wall. We're coming back, Adolf.
747
01:03:29,393 --> 01:03:31,270
The tide has turned.
748
01:03:31,395 --> 01:03:34,731
Come on, Gripweed. The army didn't
bring you to admire the view.
749
01:03:34,857 --> 01:03:37,609
There's a job to be done
and precious little time.
750
01:03:37,734 --> 01:03:41,822
You two check for damage.
Juniper, put that petrol in the half-track.
751
01:03:41,947 --> 01:03:45,617
Empty your water bottles into the roller.
We need the weight.
752
01:03:45,742 --> 01:03:47,911
Come on, Clapper, stop daydreaming.
753
01:03:48,036 --> 01:03:52,332
Tell the wife to drop the butcher and
become a vegetarian. That's my advice.
754
01:03:52,457 --> 01:03:56,295
Thank you, sir. Thank you,
you've saved my life again, sir.
755
01:03:56,420 --> 01:03:59,882
Then he won't be round
tempting her with his buckshee mutton.
756
01:04:00,007 --> 01:04:04,469
Bloody waste of time. Soft git.
757
01:04:06,263 --> 01:04:11,643
I know it's a long way.
I know it's not glamorous as a job.
758
01:04:11,768 --> 01:04:16,565
I know there are others doing jobs
in this war that are more glamorous.
759
01:04:16,690 --> 01:04:19,776
But I had this promise.
760
01:04:19,902 --> 01:04:25,115
Some soldiers are going to come out of
the din of battle and are going to thank us.
761
01:04:25,991 --> 01:04:31,288
If we can get our very small cricket pitch
by first light tomorrow morning.
762
01:04:31,413 --> 01:04:33,790
Another 20 miles, that's all.
763
01:04:33,916 --> 01:04:36,210
If we can,
764
01:04:36,335 --> 01:04:39,338
they're going to look
at our small patch of sanity
765
01:04:39,463 --> 01:04:42,591
and they're going to say it was worth it.
766
01:04:42,716 --> 01:04:47,971
They are, and then we...
I have this promise.
767
01:04:48,096 --> 01:04:51,225
We can go and do stirring things.
768
01:04:51,350 --> 01:04:53,393
Bloody waste of...
769
01:05:03,695 --> 01:05:06,365
I'll stop this petty thieving.
770
01:05:22,881 --> 01:05:24,925
Petty thieving!
771
01:05:25,759 --> 01:05:30,097
Do you get much thievery,
cowardice, things like that?
772
01:05:30,222 --> 01:05:32,266
No, no.
773
01:05:33,142 --> 01:05:37,020
Being in improper possession
of a comrade's property.
774
01:05:37,146 --> 01:05:40,399
- Can't put a thing down.
- No.
775
01:05:40,524 --> 01:05:44,444
On the whole, no thievery, no fibbing,
no arguing with a superior officer,
776
01:05:44,570 --> 01:05:47,364
no treachery, no cowardice,
not much rape.
777
01:05:47,489 --> 01:05:52,369
I don't countenance rape.
No letting down of the boys.
778
01:05:52,494 --> 01:05:55,539
They'll have to put all that back.
779
01:05:55,664 --> 01:05:58,250
Most of us are artists.
780
01:06:00,669 --> 01:06:02,713
Ah! He's very good.
781
01:06:06,175 --> 01:06:10,888
Ah, look, they're going
to blow up your geraniums.
782
01:06:11,013 --> 01:06:12,306
Oh, dear.
783
01:06:25,944 --> 01:06:29,031
(theme from "Lawrence Of Arabia")
784
01:07:02,439 --> 01:07:04,733
That's a relief.
785
01:07:04,858 --> 01:07:08,779
What's so damned important
about a damned cricket pitch?
786
01:07:08,904 --> 01:07:12,699
I said, more to show
that though I was an officer,
787
01:07:12,825 --> 01:07:16,703
I could understand the feelings
of ordinary chaps like them.
788
01:07:16,829 --> 01:07:21,250
- But it isn't just a cricket pitch, is it?
- It is.
789
01:07:21,375 --> 01:07:28,423
I'll tell you for why. Because it's
a silly bloody silly cricket pitch is why.
790
01:07:28,549 --> 01:07:32,261
On. We'll find the bloody oasis ourselves.
791
01:07:38,517 --> 01:07:40,686
(German spoken in distance)
792
01:07:44,189 --> 01:07:47,526
(first voice) I'm going to be
in the second battle of Alamein.
793
01:07:47,651 --> 01:07:50,696
(second voice) I'm going to be
in the second battle of Alamein.
794
01:07:50,821 --> 01:07:53,198
I'm excused Alamein... for my feet.
795
01:07:53,323 --> 01:07:57,035
I suppose some form of National
Socialism is inevitable after the war.
796
01:07:57,161 --> 01:08:00,497
(voices overlap and distort)
797
01:08:00,622 --> 01:08:03,834
- I'm going to be in the second battle...
- That's the ticket.
798
01:08:03,959 --> 01:08:09,047
- It is good news, isn't it?
- Congratulations.
799
01:08:09,715 --> 01:08:13,760
I don't half envy you.
What you'll be able to tell your children.
800
01:08:14,678 --> 01:08:21,393
Come on, kids, Dad is going to tell us
about the second battle of Alamein again.
801
01:08:27,774 --> 01:08:32,946
This is today, and I'm still alive today.
My name is Henry Bridgehouse.
802
01:08:33,071 --> 01:08:37,951
I'm still thinking of you all,
and so are you, I fondly hopes, alive,
803
01:08:38,076 --> 01:08:42,206
and all the kiddies still at home,
to whom I send my very best.
804
01:08:42,331 --> 01:08:43,832
Is that all right?
805
01:08:43,957 --> 01:08:46,460
(whimpers)
806
01:08:46,585 --> 01:08:50,214
Any chance of another battle?
It's high time.
807
01:08:50,339 --> 01:08:53,550
You're a great man, a very great man,
but you are impatient.
808
01:08:53,675 --> 01:08:57,137
- I want a battle.
- That is the way to lose battles.
809
01:08:57,262 --> 01:09:01,850
- I want a battle.
- I'll tell you the sort of man I am.
810
01:09:01,975 --> 01:09:07,189
I am patient. At the second battle
of Alamein, I shall be patient.
811
01:09:07,314 --> 01:09:10,567
I shall start the battle... here.
812
01:09:11,568 --> 01:09:15,113
And then I shall go to bed... there.
813
01:09:15,239 --> 01:09:19,034
That is the sort of man I am.
Never fight battles when you're awake.
814
01:09:19,159 --> 01:09:21,829
That is the way to lose battles.
815
01:09:24,540 --> 01:09:26,834
Mines! Don't move.
816
01:09:32,047 --> 01:09:34,091
(screams)
817
01:09:39,680 --> 01:09:43,475
We've done it, lads! We've made it.
818
01:09:43,600 --> 01:09:46,061
Oh, well, done, Third Troop.
819
01:09:50,774 --> 01:09:53,068
They're very beautiful.
820
01:09:53,193 --> 01:09:56,822
What can be done with them
in this world after the war is over?
821
01:09:57,906 --> 01:10:01,785
We're fighting against men
inflicted with a terrible virus.
822
01:10:04,580 --> 01:10:10,419
Do push-ups. Clapper, on your belly.
And it is a belly. I want you fit.
823
01:10:11,587 --> 01:10:16,049
I want 500 guns,
300 tanks, 200 aeroplanes.
824
01:10:16,175 --> 01:10:19,344
I'll tell you my plan.
I hatched it in the lavatory.
825
01:10:19,469 --> 01:10:21,930
My plans are
always hatched in lavatories.
826
01:10:22,055 --> 01:10:25,100
Pull the bleeding chain, then.
827
01:10:32,608 --> 01:10:35,486
- There's none in it.
- Spool, no. Have some pride, lad.
828
01:10:35,611 --> 01:10:38,322
- I let it out.
- Who took the water?
829
01:10:38,447 --> 01:10:41,492
Spool, I'm talking to you, lad.
I can shoot you.
830
01:10:41,617 --> 01:10:44,411
A hole in your head.
You'll die with your silly name.
831
01:10:44,536 --> 01:10:49,249
- I let it out so it would be lighter.
- Shoot me, in my big toe.
832
01:10:49,374 --> 01:10:53,170
I can, you know, shoot you, and him.
833
01:10:53,295 --> 01:10:56,798
And you can, him.
Put a round up him. All it needs.
834
01:10:56,924 --> 01:10:59,968
Come on, come on. Running on the spot.
835
01:11:00,093 --> 01:11:04,223
Begin! One, two, one, two...
836
01:11:04,348 --> 01:11:07,142
- Go on, Gripweed.
- I can't, Tranny.
837
01:11:07,267 --> 01:11:10,562
Yes, you can. It's easy.
838
01:11:10,687 --> 01:11:17,861
It gets easier. That's the thing about it.
The thing I hate more than anything else.
839
01:11:18,695 --> 01:11:21,657
I'm not going to be able
to go home, you know.
840
01:11:21,782 --> 01:11:27,621
A lad I know saved a grenade at Dunkirk.
Didn't drop it in the sandbag.
841
01:11:27,746 --> 01:11:31,750
Saved it, took it home
and put in on his stomach,
842
01:11:31,875 --> 01:11:34,837
holding it between belly and thigh,
and went to bed.
843
01:11:34,962 --> 01:11:37,214
Pin out, relaxed and died.
844
01:11:38,507 --> 01:11:40,551
It gets very easy.
845
01:11:42,386 --> 01:11:47,641
I can look at a man, dead, step over him
ten times a day, going to the cookhouse.
846
01:11:47,766 --> 01:11:52,020
Not curious enough
to turn him over and see his face.
847
01:11:52,146 --> 01:11:55,440
Front lying... down!
848
01:11:56,775 --> 01:11:58,819
I do blame them for that.
849
01:12:00,237 --> 01:12:02,281
This way, sir.
850
01:12:03,574 --> 01:12:05,617
I do blame them for that.
851
01:12:07,536 --> 01:12:12,833
I used to be put off my supper should
I see a cat dead in the middle of the road.
852
01:12:12,958 --> 01:12:19,256
Or a bird, leave alone a man, though
we didn't get much of that down our way.
853
01:12:20,090 --> 01:12:22,801
- So you can.
- I won't, though.
854
01:12:23,719 --> 01:12:29,933
- That's different, won't.
- This beats National Socialism, Gripweed!
855
01:12:30,058 --> 01:12:31,727
I am glad I won't.
856
01:12:31,852 --> 01:12:35,105
Don't move, sir, we're all in a minefield.
857
01:12:39,568 --> 01:12:43,739
It's a very simple plan.
All my plans are simple plans.
858
01:12:43,864 --> 01:12:47,284
Look at Dieppe. That was simple.
859
01:12:47,409 --> 01:12:50,579
Wait until Arnhem.
That's going to be simple.
860
01:12:50,704 --> 01:12:53,582
Gather your ammunition.
Leave your packs by the roller.
861
01:12:53,707 --> 01:12:57,127
- And have them whipped?
- No, Gripweed is coming with us.
862
01:12:57,252 --> 01:13:00,506
I'm simple. Gather round me.
Can you hear me at the back?
863
01:13:00,631 --> 01:13:02,466
- Hi-de-hi!
- Ho-de-ho!
864
01:13:02,591 --> 01:13:05,052
Has he sent you any water, has he?
865
01:13:05,177 --> 01:13:09,389
That man. Corporal of Musket,
stop that man making an ass of himself.
866
01:13:09,515 --> 01:13:13,644
Get all 500 guns and fire them in the same
place to blow the daylights out of them.
867
01:13:13,769 --> 01:13:16,814
- Hold still, Spool.
- Fill your bottles from the roller.
868
01:13:16,939 --> 01:13:20,734
- Give him a drink, Corporal of Musket.
- There's none in there.
869
01:13:20,859 --> 01:13:24,905
- My God, the roller. Get it in the shade.
- I thought it would be lighter.
870
01:13:25,030 --> 01:13:30,452
Come on, lad. We'll get some water when
we capture the oasis. Lashings of water.
871
01:13:30,577 --> 01:13:34,248
We'll send you chaps in
with 200 tanks going like bats out of hell.
872
01:13:34,373 --> 01:13:38,001
You've seen enough now. Off you go,
there's good chaps. Hold his head.
873
01:13:38,126 --> 01:13:43,215
Just who could play a trick like that?
At the best, it's rank inefficiency.
874
01:13:43,340 --> 01:13:46,260
- Me!
- Who took my man's water? I want water.
875
01:13:46,385 --> 01:13:48,846
- How can my men fight without water?
- Me!
876
01:13:48,971 --> 01:13:52,015
I did, I let the bloody water out
to make it lighter.
877
01:13:52,141 --> 01:13:54,852
Give the lad some room, will you?
878
01:13:54,977 --> 01:13:58,147
Would you take that camera away?
There's a good fella.
879
01:13:58,272 --> 01:14:01,233
Haven't you had enough?
Find a battle and film it.
880
01:14:01,358 --> 01:14:04,278
- (Juniper) A good battle.
- Clear these cameramen away.
881
01:14:04,403 --> 01:14:08,866
Haven't you insulted us enough? Your
army is the best in the world. Get away.
882
01:14:08,991 --> 01:14:11,326
It's all right. Don't let him bite this time.
883
01:14:11,451 --> 01:14:15,581
- It's all over. Make a ring round him.
- No, let the bastards see.
884
01:14:15,706 --> 01:14:18,584
No. The next of kin, think of them.
885
01:14:18,709 --> 01:14:20,377
(Spool screams)
886
01:14:20,502 --> 01:14:24,590
That happened to a son of mine.
He was left all through the war.
887
01:14:24,715 --> 01:14:27,593
- They do, don't they?
- With his eardrum.
888
01:14:27,718 --> 01:14:31,805
- It's the noise, I expect.
- Still, he's not dead like some.
889
01:14:31,930 --> 01:14:37,227
- Well, you can forgive.
- Missing. Not dead. They didn't get him.
890
01:14:37,352 --> 01:14:40,189
He'll turn up. Missing, he is.
891
01:14:41,106 --> 01:14:43,275
(bugle)
892
01:14:43,400 --> 01:14:46,570
Colonel! Colonel, any water?
893
01:14:50,866 --> 01:14:53,327
Bum on, bum on, on to Tunis.
894
01:14:53,452 --> 01:14:56,580
See to the roller... and Spool first.
895
01:14:56,705 --> 01:15:02,085
Huzzah! It'll be all right now.
Huzzah! Good old Colonel Grapple.
896
01:15:02,211 --> 01:15:06,173
He's a character that will see us through.
That's the thing about war.
897
01:15:06,298 --> 01:15:10,511
It's a picnic if left to the right officers.
Men who understand our ways.
898
01:15:10,636 --> 01:15:14,306
Treat us like human beings.
What we want is more humane killers.
899
01:15:14,431 --> 01:15:18,685
Good old Colonel Grapple! See you on
personal when you have a moment, sir?
900
01:15:21,939 --> 01:15:23,565
(all) Achtung/
901
01:15:23,690 --> 01:15:27,194
My God! No time for that now.
They must know we're here.
902
01:15:27,319 --> 01:15:29,571
- Rounds per man?
- Three and a half, sir.
903
01:15:29,696 --> 01:15:31,740
When you use that, fix bayonets and die.
904
01:15:31,865 --> 01:15:34,660
Charge is the joke.
Fix bayonets and charge.
905
01:15:34,785 --> 01:15:38,205
- We're all gonna die under funny names.
- Charge.
906
01:15:38,330 --> 01:15:41,250
Good luck to you all. Tally-ho!
907
01:15:41,375 --> 01:15:44,002
Boot the Hun right through to Tunis!
908
01:15:44,127 --> 01:15:46,171
(repeatedly) Fire!
909
01:15:56,306 --> 01:15:59,226
(bagpipes)
910
01:16:10,821 --> 01:16:15,325
Now, bear in mind,
we had him on the run, Jerry.
911
01:16:15,450 --> 01:16:17,661
We'd stood to all night, of course.
912
01:16:17,786 --> 01:16:21,373
As we stood up, the bullets
flew around us. Like rain it was.
913
01:16:21,498 --> 01:16:25,043
I well remember - and bear in mind,
I was platoon sergeant -
914
01:16:25,169 --> 01:16:27,963
it therefore was behove of me
to keep morale up -
915
01:16:28,088 --> 01:16:30,924
so I said, more as a laugh,
916
01:16:31,049 --> 01:16:33,677
cos it wasn't tense or below par...
917
01:16:33,802 --> 01:16:35,929
You very rarely are, at the start line.
918
01:16:36,054 --> 01:16:41,185
Take no notice of the Yanks. They haven't
lived. And they was always bombing us.
919
01:16:41,310 --> 01:16:45,856
Now there's rarely any tenseness.
It's the relaxation you notices.
920
01:16:45,981 --> 01:16:52,029
Little kips all along the start line,
barring them as is already haywire.
921
01:16:52,154 --> 01:16:55,449
So... more to raise a laugh...
922
01:16:58,869 --> 01:17:04,333
Like shoelaces, seeing as they're tight.
Not crippling you, not causing you to trip.
923
01:17:05,501 --> 01:17:07,586
There. (he laughs)
924
01:17:07,711 --> 01:17:14,301
Silly ha'porth! Crippled you. It's important
to raise a laugh on the battlefield.
925
01:17:14,426 --> 01:17:18,388
And very humorous the laughs can be.
Some humorous books being written.
926
01:17:18,514 --> 01:17:24,478
More for a laugh, I said "We should have
us gas capes on. It is raining bullets."
927
01:17:24,603 --> 01:17:27,356
That was when we lost Charles Black
from a raindrop.
928
01:17:27,481 --> 01:17:32,528
I said "We should have us umbrellas
and gas capes, boys. Raining bullets."
929
01:17:32,653 --> 01:17:36,073
"We'll get wet, boys,
if we're not careful, chums" I said.
930
01:17:36,198 --> 01:17:38,242
More for a laugh.
931
01:17:40,953 --> 01:17:43,205
(whistles "Colonel Bogey")
932
01:18:54,902 --> 01:18:57,946
Well, you see? Good.
933
01:18:58,614 --> 01:19:00,657
(speaks German)
934
01:19:11,627 --> 01:19:13,670
Wollen Sie trinken?
935
01:19:15,422 --> 01:19:17,466
(shouting in German)
936
01:19:39,238 --> 01:19:42,032
(groaning)
937
01:19:44,660 --> 01:19:46,703
Oh, my poor horses.
938
01:19:47,663 --> 01:19:52,668
Cavalry horses love the stir and the din,
even the danger, of battle.
939
01:19:52,793 --> 01:19:56,129
The British cavalryman
regards his horse as his friend.
940
01:19:56,255 --> 01:20:01,718
Those who have ponies,
children and horses of your own, at home,
941
01:20:01,844 --> 01:20:04,513
may like to know how well
we look after our steeds.
942
01:20:04,638 --> 01:20:10,853
Sometimes we risk being shot at to put
our wounded mounts out of their misery.
943
01:20:10,978 --> 01:20:13,021
(gunshot, man yelps)
944
01:20:16,108 --> 01:20:20,154
Eight, nine... How's your leg theory,
Corporal of Musket?
945
01:20:20,279 --> 01:20:22,531
I'd like your opinion. What do you think?
946
01:20:22,656 --> 01:20:26,535
As a wicket, likely to vent spiteful
by midday, I think.
947
01:20:26,660 --> 01:20:28,620
Er... Light roller.
948
01:20:28,745 --> 01:20:34,126
Bowlers don't expect miracles.
As a pitch, it will teach you perseverance.
949
01:20:34,251 --> 01:20:36,503
21, 22...
950
01:20:36,628 --> 01:20:39,506
I want a batting crease
four feet from here, Gripweed.
951
01:20:39,631 --> 01:20:42,509
Spool, put a stump in here.
952
01:20:43,260 --> 01:20:47,306
The light should be good.
Keep the water off, I think.
953
01:20:47,431 --> 01:20:51,894
Don't want to have to contend
with a sticky wicket.
954
01:20:53,270 --> 01:20:56,231
On a dead wicket, always bat first.
955
01:20:57,900 --> 01:21:03,238
Remember, Gripweed, medals are merely
milestones on the road to final victory.
956
01:21:03,363 --> 01:21:06,116
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
957
01:21:25,219 --> 01:21:27,054
Thank you, sir.
958
01:21:59,878 --> 01:22:01,922
(yells)
959
01:22:07,052 --> 01:22:09,888
- Where've you been?
- In enemy hands, sir.
960
01:22:10,013 --> 01:22:12,474
You told them nothing
but name, rank and number?
961
01:22:12,599 --> 01:22:15,018
I don't know my name, rank and number.
962
01:22:15,144 --> 01:22:18,063
I remember the number of my first rifle.
Don't try that.
963
01:22:18,188 --> 01:22:22,609
I can smell them, the ones who are not
100 per cent for it. Try that one on me?
964
01:22:22,734 --> 01:22:27,531
Take those nasty Nazi clothes off
and play cricket. Teach you team spirit.
965
01:22:27,656 --> 01:22:30,659
Not a wound on him.
Show me a wound.
966
01:22:30,784 --> 01:22:33,620
You stink of surrender.
Not a decent wound on you.
967
01:22:33,745 --> 01:22:37,457
- I've been burned.
- We've all been burned.
968
01:22:39,960 --> 01:22:42,129
Pads on! Play every ball on its merit.
969
01:22:42,254 --> 01:22:46,842
- I want to fight.
- That man is malingering.
970
01:22:48,802 --> 01:22:53,765
I've a damn shrewd idea
that you are trying to work your ticket.
971
01:22:56,059 --> 01:22:59,021
I say, you can't do that.
He's a private soldier.
972
01:22:59,146 --> 01:23:01,690
He's a stinking coward.
973
01:23:04,234 --> 01:23:07,279
I've always wanted to hit a general.
974
01:23:07,404 --> 01:23:10,491
Fall in, two men, he hit the General.
975
01:23:11,992 --> 01:23:16,663
- Open the batting from the mountain end.
- What's going on here?
976
01:23:18,457 --> 01:23:23,921
That boy is only 19. Here, hold this camel.
Hit somebody your own rank, or near it.
977
01:23:24,046 --> 01:23:27,466
- Who are you?
- Grapple MC. Grapple of the Bedoo.
978
01:23:27,591 --> 01:23:31,136
And another thing, I will not play cricket...
979
01:23:31,261 --> 01:23:34,848
- Come, now, none of us like war.
- I do. I like war.
980
01:23:34,973 --> 01:23:37,684
I do not like cricket.
981
01:23:39,728 --> 01:23:44,024
- Did you have many humorous incidents?
- Yes, we did.
982
01:23:44,149 --> 01:23:48,153
- Tell me about yours.
- They're not funny, really.
983
01:23:48,278 --> 01:23:52,866
- Tell me. Are the British cruel?
- Oh, yes.
984
01:23:52,991 --> 01:23:57,412
- We know what we're doing.
- And we are.
985
01:23:57,538 --> 01:24:01,708
Do you know what we have done
to millions of people?
986
01:24:01,834 --> 01:24:07,381
- I think you've killed them.
- I don't know anything about it. Terrible.
987
01:24:07,506 --> 01:24:11,510
- Are you sorry about these people?
- No, no, I am not.
988
01:24:11,635 --> 01:24:14,805
I thought about it and... no, I'm not.
989
01:24:15,764 --> 01:24:18,016
I'm not sorry about my men.
990
01:24:18,142 --> 01:24:20,769
- Did you have a lot of men?
- Yes.
991
01:24:20,894 --> 01:24:23,564
- You did?
- Yes, hundreds.
992
01:24:24,565 --> 01:24:29,153
Me too, and all with the same faces.
They all looked the same to me.
993
01:24:29,278 --> 01:24:33,157
You look after them, see their feet
is clean, dry, powdered.
994
01:24:33,282 --> 01:24:38,412
- They will not look after their feet.
- They began to kill me with worry.
995
01:24:38,537 --> 01:24:40,789
More than that. More.
996
01:24:42,833 --> 01:24:44,877
May I?
997
01:24:46,795 --> 01:24:50,382
The thing about them
was they would not respond.
998
01:24:50,507 --> 01:24:53,635
There it was for them,
a crusade against tyranny...
999
01:24:53,760 --> 01:24:56,805
Oh, not you. Not you.
1000
01:24:57,556 --> 01:25:01,810
But if they knew the King.
My mother knew him well.
1001
01:25:01,935 --> 01:25:03,687
She used to send to his birthday.
1002
01:25:03,812 --> 01:25:07,316
And all the children, the princesses,
they all got something,
1003
01:25:07,441 --> 01:25:10,402
even though
we were not that well off.
1004
01:25:10,527 --> 01:25:13,155
I wanted to do my best for him.
1005
01:25:13,280 --> 01:25:17,117
He knew
why he gave me his commission.
1006
01:25:17,242 --> 01:25:19,953
- You know what I mean?
- Ja.
1007
01:25:21,705 --> 01:25:24,416
I wanted to know them.
1008
01:25:24,541 --> 01:25:27,211
I wanted to know them very much.
1009
01:25:29,671 --> 01:25:33,967
I can talk to you.
I could talk to nobody else.
1010
01:25:35,135 --> 01:25:40,182
I haven't spoken to anyone else about
the King and me for the whole of this...
1011
01:25:40,307 --> 01:25:43,435
And I. The King and I. You know?
1012
01:25:46,772 --> 01:25:49,233
- You'd like him.
- Thank you.
1013
01:25:49,358 --> 01:25:54,905
As I was saying, I haven't been
able to speak to anyone else
1014
01:25:55,030 --> 01:25:57,950
through the whole of this film.
1015
01:25:58,075 --> 01:26:04,164
You see, one day, after a not particularly
arduous or expensive skirmish,
1016
01:26:04,289 --> 01:26:07,459
they were all gathered round me...
1017
01:26:07,584 --> 01:26:09,461
I well remember...
1018
01:26:09,586 --> 01:26:16,885
the way an admirable man and a great
soldier referred to expensive noises
1019
01:26:17,010 --> 01:26:20,722
as he listened to a battle without emotion.
1020
01:26:21,890 --> 01:26:24,059
That is the way, isn't it?
1021
01:26:24,184 --> 01:26:28,063
- For our kind.
- You are a fascist!
1022
01:26:28,897 --> 01:26:33,443
Am I? But I don't particularly dislike Jews.
1023
01:26:33,569 --> 01:26:37,447
- I love them.
- Have you...? Are you cruel?
1024
01:26:37,573 --> 01:26:42,661
- Have you killed many Jews?
- Quite a lot.
1025
01:26:42,786 --> 01:26:46,373
- What do you say to that?
- Good Lord.
1026
01:26:46,498 --> 01:26:49,710
But then I try to find good in everybody.
1027
01:26:54,590 --> 01:26:56,633
(sparse applause)
1028
01:27:03,307 --> 01:27:05,601
Why choose me
as your defending officer?
1029
01:27:05,726 --> 01:27:07,853
You're the only one decently turned out.
1030
01:27:07,978 --> 01:27:11,982
- Halt. Face your front.
- Shut up.
1031
01:27:12,107 --> 01:27:14,193
This man is not fit to plead.
1032
01:27:14,318 --> 01:27:17,571
It is obvious to anyone
with a spark of humanity in them
1033
01:27:17,696 --> 01:27:21,533
that he should be treated with sympathy
and understanding and sent home.
1034
01:27:21,658 --> 01:27:26,705
- Shut up! You may not say anything.
- Defending officer, sir.
1035
01:27:26,830 --> 01:27:30,375
He's not an officer,
for all his voice and his linear belt.
1036
01:27:30,501 --> 01:27:34,838
Therefore, he may not make speeches.
He has no privileges in this court.
1037
01:27:34,963 --> 01:27:37,966
Choose anyone you like
but only officers can talk to me.
1038
01:27:38,091 --> 01:27:41,512
That makes it awkward.
He should have gone to grammar school.
1039
01:27:41,637 --> 01:27:45,933
- Got his Cert A, passed his commission,
- I came up from the ranks. I'm a general.
1040
01:27:46,058 --> 01:27:48,685
- This is a general court martial.
- For hitting me.
1041
01:27:48,811 --> 01:27:50,395
- Permission to speak.
- Shut up.
1042
01:27:50,521 --> 01:27:51,980
Speak up. Be respectful.
1043
01:27:52,105 --> 01:27:55,901
What is wrong with the army
is that there is not enough humanity in it.
1044
01:27:56,026 --> 01:28:00,906
Shut up! If it wasn't for the British army,
you wouldn't be here today.
1045
01:28:01,031 --> 01:28:03,075
Humanity!
1046
01:28:03,992 --> 01:28:05,869
We're going into Germany soon.
1047
01:28:05,994 --> 01:28:09,748
When we get to the home of the Hun,
take your pips off.
1048
01:28:09,873 --> 01:28:11,500
You're a very lucky chap.
1049
01:28:11,625 --> 01:28:16,088
You're fighting in a war which may well
turn out to be a crusade. If I know the Hun.
1050
01:28:16,213 --> 01:28:21,343
A good soldier but a bit frightful. With
any luck, he's up to some revolting things.
1051
01:28:21,468 --> 01:28:24,054
In case he isn't, better take your pips off.
1052
01:28:25,139 --> 01:28:29,017
They will put a bullet through your neck
for what you've made them do.
1053
01:28:29,143 --> 01:28:32,104
I don't think Jerry will disappoint us,
so shut up!
1054
01:28:32,229 --> 01:28:38,068
I don't think I could do that. They're the
nicest things that ever happened to me.
1055
01:28:38,193 --> 01:28:41,947
I think my lads are very fond of me.
1056
01:28:42,072 --> 01:28:45,200
Sir! Permission to fall out, sir?
1057
01:28:45,325 --> 01:28:48,996
We've been playing cricket
in the hot sun for three hours.
1058
01:28:49,121 --> 01:28:53,208
We can't enjoy ourselves infinitum,
or at least bowl underarm.
1059
01:28:53,333 --> 01:28:57,588
Play on is my advice to you unless
you want to look at me in a court martial.
1060
01:28:57,713 --> 01:29:00,757
- Enjoy yourselves. It will be a long war.
- Play on!
1061
01:29:00,883 --> 01:29:05,429
You may not fall out until a very important
bod sees you entertained and happy.
1062
01:29:05,554 --> 01:29:09,892
Tails up, I haven't brought you
all this way to bowl underarm.
1063
01:29:10,017 --> 01:29:13,812
- It's just as hard for me as it is for you.
- You're a bastard.
1064
01:29:13,937 --> 01:29:17,191
I hope so, I hope I am a bastard.
1065
01:29:17,316 --> 01:29:20,152
- I'm not proud of it.
- Sit down, son.
1066
01:29:20,277 --> 01:29:24,156
I've looked after their feet
as if they were my own, sir.
1067
01:29:24,281 --> 01:29:25,949
Excuse me, sir.
1068
01:29:40,339 --> 01:29:43,217
- What is all this?
- Advance cricket pitch.
1069
01:29:43,342 --> 01:29:46,553
Present and ready for your inspection, sir.
1070
01:29:48,806 --> 01:29:52,267
What rotten bowlers. Right, drive on.
1071
01:29:52,392 --> 01:29:57,439
It is bad. The lower-middle and working
classes receiving the King's Commission?
1072
01:29:57,564 --> 01:30:01,819
These classes, unlike like the classes
who led the army when I was a lad,
1073
01:30:01,944 --> 01:30:04,822
never had their people to consider.
1074
01:30:10,786 --> 01:30:13,080
I liked it better when he was a comedian.
1075
01:30:13,205 --> 01:30:15,791
He wasn't very funny but I liked it better.
1076
01:30:15,916 --> 01:30:19,503
Jokes. Mind you, I'm working class.
1077
01:30:19,628 --> 01:30:22,589
I had a grandfather who was a miner.
1078
01:30:22,714 --> 01:30:24,842
Until he sold it.
1079
01:30:24,967 --> 01:30:27,636
It's a very simple plan.
All my plans are simple.
1080
01:30:27,761 --> 01:30:32,349
You remember Dieppe? Arnhem will be
as simple. A few parachutes, that's all.
1081
01:30:50,159 --> 01:30:52,911
My heart's not in it any more.
1082
01:30:53,036 --> 01:30:57,207
Oh, go away, I'm tired. I'm the only
bleeding bowler in the Second Army.
1083
01:30:57,332 --> 01:30:59,877
(artillery and machine guns)
1084
01:31:07,509 --> 01:31:10,137
(bomb falls)
1085
01:31:23,901 --> 01:31:26,904
- Sorry, old man.
- It's all right, sir. I'm very grateful.
1086
01:31:27,029 --> 01:31:31,033
- Stretcher bearer!
- Jammy bastard.
1087
01:31:34,244 --> 01:31:41,502
With the Second Army linking up, the men
of the Airborne can afford to relax a little.
1088
01:31:46,757 --> 01:31:49,092
(cackles)
1089
01:31:54,431 --> 01:31:56,266
(shouts in Dutch)
1090
01:32:16,995 --> 01:32:19,039
Out!
1091
01:32:19,164 --> 01:32:21,208
Come on, come on!
1092
01:32:24,962 --> 01:32:27,005
- Tot ziens/
- Auf Wiedersehen/
1093
01:32:27,506 --> 01:32:31,593
- Welkom, welkom.
- Thanks.
1094
01:32:37,808 --> 01:32:40,269
One, two...
1095
01:32:40,394 --> 01:32:42,855
Don't look, don't look, don't look!
1096
01:32:42,980 --> 01:32:46,608
Don't look... Don't look...
1097
01:32:53,157 --> 01:32:54,867
Don't look.
1098
01:32:56,869 --> 01:32:59,413
Don't look...
1099
01:32:59,538 --> 01:33:01,582
Come on.
1100
01:33:15,012 --> 01:33:17,806
Dooley, Spool, take the barn.
1101
01:33:17,931 --> 01:33:20,184
Sergeant Transom with me.
1102
01:33:35,032 --> 01:33:37,075
We are English.
1103
01:33:45,375 --> 01:33:47,169
Nice place you've got.
1104
01:33:51,548 --> 01:33:56,762
Right, you two, outside. Slit trench eight
yards from this wall. Move yourselves.
1105
01:33:56,887 --> 01:33:58,639
Do sit down.
1106
01:34:06,063 --> 01:34:10,776
(announcer) Now, this is the job on which
the soldier's life and the battle depends.
1107
01:34:10,901 --> 01:34:13,946
As soon as the infantryman
reaches a new position,
1108
01:34:14,071 --> 01:34:17,366
he starts to dig in with pick and spade.
1109
01:34:18,951 --> 01:34:22,287
To begin with,
cover is a hole in the ground,
1110
01:34:22,412 --> 01:34:25,958
but as the enemy are rolled back
by succeeding waves of troops,
1111
01:34:26,083 --> 01:34:30,504
the men immediately behind
start serious digging.
1112
01:34:30,629 --> 01:34:34,591
The infantryman's home in battle
is his slit trench.
1113
01:34:34,716 --> 01:34:41,473
In a narrow five-foot hole,
he lives, sleeps, eats, and rests.
1114
01:34:41,598 --> 01:34:48,856
If the men are lucky, rations, great coats
and mail are brought to them after dark.
1115
01:34:49,857 --> 01:34:52,693
It's the missus again, of course.
1116
01:34:52,818 --> 01:34:55,737
She's having it away with a Yank now.
1117
01:34:55,863 --> 01:34:58,532
Hands across the sea,
straight up her woollies.
1118
01:34:58,949 --> 01:35:00,909
(shrieks with laughter)
1119
01:35:03,579 --> 01:35:05,622
(clattering)
1120
01:35:06,665 --> 01:35:09,751
- Stop it!
- What are you laughing at?
1121
01:35:15,549 --> 01:35:19,011
I can't say it. I can say nothing.
1122
01:35:20,012 --> 01:35:25,476
I'd like to say what I feel,
but I can only tell you what I see.
1123
01:35:25,601 --> 01:35:29,688
The weather's not bad
and I still write to you.
1124
01:35:29,813 --> 01:35:34,568
The words look so young on paper
and we are grown people.
1125
01:35:35,402 --> 01:35:41,450
But I'll tell you. I do miss you.
"Moonlight Cocktail" is now all the rage.
1126
01:35:43,076 --> 01:35:48,457
...with an American soldier.
They're all over here now.
1127
01:35:48,582 --> 01:35:52,336
He thrust his great American hand
into my dress
1128
01:35:52,461 --> 01:35:57,174
and I felt the utility material
of which it was made, parachute silk,
1129
01:35:57,299 --> 01:36:01,553
tear asunder
under the thrust of his passion.
1130
01:36:02,638 --> 01:36:06,058
Fondest ever always,
your own Mrs Clapper.
1131
01:36:13,190 --> 01:36:18,487
Gripweed, Clapper, cover yourselves.
They're coming from the right!
1132
01:36:23,367 --> 01:36:29,248
Sergeant Transom, tank and infantry
coming from the right. This side.
1133
01:37:41,195 --> 01:37:43,530
Sergeant Transom! Get out.
1134
01:38:46,343 --> 01:38:48,011
Now, watch it.
1135
01:38:49,388 --> 01:38:51,598
Have a heart, eh?
1136
01:38:58,480 --> 01:39:01,525
(metal clanks)
1137
01:39:01,650 --> 01:39:04,945
Thieving git. Some bastard's
been prior, has he, Jock?
1138
01:39:06,280 --> 01:39:10,159
- One bastard stinks to high heaven.
- Are you a duration bloke?
1139
01:39:10,284 --> 01:39:12,369
- You wouldn't chuckle?
- Pack it in.
1140
01:39:12,494 --> 01:39:15,247
I'm a regular.
It's my soddin' career, liberating.
1141
01:39:46,111 --> 01:39:48,197
I knew this'd happen.
1142
01:39:48,322 --> 01:39:50,449
You knew it'd happen, didn't you?
1143
01:39:50,866 --> 01:39:52,784
(speaking German)
1144
01:39:55,370 --> 01:39:57,039
(German)
1145
01:39:57,164 --> 01:40:00,125
Thank you. Thank you for your help.
1146
01:40:01,668 --> 01:40:08,717
- Steady on, we're still on it, the bridge.
- It is a lovely bridge.
1147
01:40:08,842 --> 01:40:11,845
It is the only bridge
still intact across the Rhine.
1148
01:40:11,970 --> 01:40:15,682
- It won't be for long.
- If you had it, you could win the war.
1149
01:40:15,808 --> 01:40:20,813
- I think we're doing that anyhow.
- And I could retire sooner.
1150
01:40:20,938 --> 01:40:22,981
- You'd win.
- Yes.
1151
01:40:24,608 --> 01:40:27,444
- It's yours.
- No, I don't want to blow it up.
1152
01:40:27,569 --> 01:40:29,905
You've done all the work.
1153
01:40:30,030 --> 01:40:33,116
- No, please.
- Cheap.
1154
01:40:35,285 --> 01:40:37,538
How much do you want for it?
1155
01:40:37,663 --> 01:40:39,456
No, no, no.
1156
01:40:39,581 --> 01:40:42,376
As we mean to go on, after the war.
1157
01:40:46,046 --> 01:40:49,883
The war brings out the best
in some, you know?
1158
01:40:50,008 --> 01:40:53,846
Thank you, but as we mean to go on.
1159
01:40:53,971 --> 01:40:57,391
- $25,000.
- Eisenhower would never pay.
1160
01:40:58,600 --> 01:41:00,686
Have it. Go on.
1161
01:41:00,811 --> 01:41:03,730
No. Those days are over.
1162
01:41:04,773 --> 01:41:08,485
There's no hope for you or your country
if you're going to let emotion rule.
1163
01:41:08,610 --> 01:41:13,365
I tell you. And it's got me nowhere.
1164
01:41:56,283 --> 01:42:00,454
To me, Sergeant Transom! To me!
1165
01:42:12,591 --> 01:42:14,635
(gunfire continues)
1166
01:42:28,440 --> 01:42:33,111
I should have shot that stupid
little bleeder a long time ago.
1167
01:42:33,237 --> 01:42:35,906
I always wanted to, as you know.
1168
01:42:37,783 --> 01:42:40,369
You shoot one,
you've got to shoot the lot.
1169
01:42:40,494 --> 01:42:45,749
Before they takes their exams
and are taught virtue and industry.
1170
01:42:45,874 --> 01:42:48,627
Cor! Stone a little colonel, eh?
1171
01:42:54,800 --> 01:43:02,474
- It's a fine bridge.
- And it's worth about what? 17,000?
1172
01:43:03,267 --> 01:43:05,519
You know what? You are right.
1173
01:43:05,644 --> 01:43:09,273
I was beginning to forget
what democracy means.
1174
01:43:09,398 --> 01:43:13,610
- It's a wonderful bridge. 23,000.
- That's better.
1175
01:43:13,735 --> 01:43:16,113
- 18.
- No, I am risking my life here.
1176
01:43:16,238 --> 01:43:20,284
They are shooting people
for not blowing up bridges.
1177
01:43:20,409 --> 01:43:25,914
Well, we could build one for 23,000.
Less. It's too far south for us, anyway.
1178
01:43:26,039 --> 01:43:29,460
- I'd never get it past the accountants.
- Dooley! To me!
1179
01:43:29,585 --> 01:43:32,880
- My name is Dooley.
- I am not going. I'm just not going.
1180
01:43:33,005 --> 01:43:35,132
There's more to say.
I've got more to say.
1181
01:43:35,257 --> 01:43:38,051
- I'm not going without shouting.
- My name is Spool.
1182
01:43:38,177 --> 01:43:42,306
I was transferred from the Service Corps
for a better chance of promotion.
1183
01:43:42,431 --> 01:43:46,685
- I'd like to speak to you on personal, sir.
- Transom!
1184
01:43:46,810 --> 01:43:48,187
Here!
1185
01:43:48,312 --> 01:43:52,733
I never said a word to you
before I was dying... mate.
1186
01:43:52,858 --> 01:43:55,527
(Drogue) I died in North Africa.
1187
01:43:55,652 --> 01:43:58,989
I fought for three reasons.
I can't remember what they were.
1188
01:43:59,114 --> 01:44:03,952
The first reason gets you in, and the
reason when you're in is staying alive.
1189
01:44:04,077 --> 01:44:08,415
I won't know the reason they find
afterwards but it will be a very good one.
1190
01:44:08,540 --> 01:44:12,002
I'm sure we'll be glad,
and I'm not a thief, really.
1191
01:44:12,127 --> 01:44:14,421
I never found anything worth keeping.
1192
01:44:17,800 --> 01:44:20,135
Suddenly, my phone rang.
1193
01:44:20,260 --> 01:44:23,180
We were eager to secure
a Rhine river bridgehead
1194
01:44:23,305 --> 01:44:26,642
but we despaired of taking a bridge intact.
1195
01:44:26,767 --> 01:44:28,977
Suddenly, my phone rang.
1196
01:44:29,686 --> 01:44:32,731
22,000, take it or leave it.
1197
01:44:32,856 --> 01:44:36,652
In view of the personal danger
to yourself, 19.
1198
01:44:36,777 --> 01:44:38,278
Right, done.
1199
01:44:47,704 --> 01:44:49,665
Fine bleeding hospital this is.
1200
01:44:49,790 --> 01:44:52,626
Suddenly, my phone rang.
1201
01:44:52,751 --> 01:44:55,963
It was Hodges calling from Spa.
1202
01:44:56,088 --> 01:45:00,092
"Brad" he called.
"Brad, we've gotten a bridge, a bridge."
1203
01:45:00,217 --> 01:45:03,387
"You mean you've gotten one
intact over the Rhine?"
1204
01:45:03,512 --> 01:45:05,055
"Yep."
1205
01:45:05,180 --> 01:45:09,685
"Hot dog" I said,
"this'll bust them wide open."
1206
01:45:54,438 --> 01:45:56,023
They're coming.
1207
01:45:56,148 --> 01:45:57,149
Come on!
1208
01:45:59,026 --> 01:46:01,278
It's ours, sir, it's ours!
1209
01:46:02,571 --> 01:46:04,615
One minute! One minute!
1210
01:46:06,408 --> 01:46:09,077
- Get out of the way, you idiot!
- (yells)
1211
01:46:09,203 --> 01:46:11,246
Get out of it!
1212
01:46:14,750 --> 01:46:17,336
Bum on! Bum on!
1213
01:46:17,461 --> 01:46:19,379
To Moscow!
1214
01:46:40,317 --> 01:46:43,737
We've come a long way, chaps.
1215
01:46:43,862 --> 01:46:45,906
Now we've come to the end of the road.
1216
01:46:47,699 --> 01:46:51,411
Head up, Gripweed. Be proud.
1217
01:46:52,538 --> 01:46:55,124
Show them who's won the war.
1218
01:46:55,249 --> 01:47:01,713
Across the world, we've trod the stony
path from defeat to final victory.
1219
01:47:01,839 --> 01:47:08,303
And soon, the Great Umpire above
will call close of play
1220
01:47:08,428 --> 01:47:10,973
in this, the Second World War.
1221
01:47:12,015 --> 01:47:14,893
Or as I prefer to call it...
1222
01:47:15,018 --> 01:47:17,229
the final test.
1223
01:47:19,231 --> 01:47:24,570
And I want to take this opportunity of
letting you know how proud I have been
1224
01:47:24,695 --> 01:47:28,615
to have commanded
such a fine body of men.
1225
01:47:33,495 --> 01:47:35,831
Would have bounced anyway.
1226
01:47:35,956 --> 01:47:38,000
I haven't got 19d.
1227
01:47:39,293 --> 01:47:41,795
Transom, keep your feet up.
1228
01:47:41,920 --> 01:47:47,718
- What's he keep calling me that for?
- We're not out of the woods yet.
1229
01:47:49,845 --> 01:47:51,763
You haven't had a big part in this.
1230
01:47:51,889 --> 01:47:54,558
Ah, well. What you doing next?
1231
01:47:54,683 --> 01:47:58,937
- I hear there's this Vietnam thing coming.
- Yeah, I know that.
1232
01:47:59,062 --> 01:48:04,026
But I don't like working with that director
much. Still, the money's good.
1233
01:48:05,444 --> 01:48:08,322
I'm glad you could get here.
1234
01:48:08,447 --> 01:48:13,410
I've been trying to contact
all the members of Third Troop for years.
1235
01:48:13,535 --> 01:48:17,498
And, really, without success.
1236
01:48:17,623 --> 01:48:24,379
The strange thing is, I agree, there was
a good reason for fighting the war.
1237
01:48:24,505 --> 01:48:30,636
I knew it. I felt really despicable.
We had to fight the war.
1238
01:48:32,846 --> 01:48:35,682
I couldn't, that's all. I just couldn't do it.
1239
01:48:35,808 --> 01:48:40,729
I had to leave it to chaps like you
who hadn't really got a reason.
1240
01:48:40,854 --> 01:48:45,317
- I wanted to fight, honestly.
- I know you did.
1241
01:48:46,527 --> 01:48:48,570
But I won the war.
1242
01:50:16,950 --> 01:50:20,287
Visiontext Subtitles: Neil Blackmore
1243
01:50:27,920 --> 01:50:29,963
ENHOH